#i want you to know. i spent so so long on this because the moment i finished his face i was on the verge of tears

[its-avalon-08]

I don't know if you're taking requests, but can you do something where the reader and Lando broke up after they had a stupid fight about where readerfeels they haven't spent any time together so lando tells her to leave in a fit of rage. (One Lando regrets and is very sad. Sad boy.) And a few weeks later reader gets into a accident and the hospital calls him because he's next of kin when they were dating and when he gets there he's freaked and the doctors surprises him by saying the baby's fine, but reader tells lando that he has to be there for them both thats why she didn't tell him because she didn't want her baby to feel second best. Happy ending, though, please. I'm sorry if that's long.

never enough (ln4)

✦ pairing - lando norris x female!reader

✦ genre - angst, tears, comfort, break up

The tension in the room was suffocating, every word between them cutting deeper than the last. Y/N stood near the dining table, her arms crossed, her face a mixture of frustration and heartbreak. Lando sat on the couch, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, running his hands through his hair.

“You don’t even try anymore, Lando!” Y/N’s voice cracked as she spoke, but her words were sharp. “I can’t remember the last time you actually looked at me like I mattered to you. Do you even care?”

His head snapped up, his eyes blazing. “Don’t you dare say that, Y/N. Don’t you dare act like I don’t care. I’m doing my best here!”

“Your best?” she scoffed, her tone bitter. “Your best is spending every waking moment either at the track, with the team, or in your own world. You’re never here. Not really.”

Lando stood abruptly, the movement startling. “I’m sorry that I have a career that demands everything from me! What do you want me to do? Quit? Give it all up just to sit here and hold your hand?”

“That’s not what I’m asking for, and you know it!” Y/N fired back, her voice trembling with barely contained anger. “I’m asking for you to make time for me. For us. But I’m always the one waiting, always the one begging for scraps of your attention. I can’t keep doing this, Lando. I feel like I’m not even a priority anymore!”

His fists clenched at his sides, his voice rising as frustration overtook him. “And I feel like no matter what I do, it’s never enough for you! I’m stretched thin, Y/N! I don’t know what else you want from me!”

“I want you to act like you actually love me!” she shouted, tears now streaming down her face. “Like I’m more than just someone waiting for you at home!”

“Fine!” he yelled, his voice thunderous in the quiet room. “If I’m so terrible—if being with me is such a burden—then maybe you should just leave!”

The words hung in the air like a death sentence, and Y/N froze, staring at him as if he had just struck her. “What?” she whispered, her voice barely audible.

“Leave,” Lando said again, though his voice was quieter now, the anger giving way to something more hollow. “If this isn’t enough for you, then just...go.”

Her breath hitched, the weight of his words crashing down on her. She shook her head, her voice trembling. “You don’t mean that.”

“Maybe I do,” he muttered, though his eyes betrayed the regret already forming in his chest.

Y/N’s hands trembled as she grabbed her bag from the chair, slinging it over her shoulder. “You’ll regret this,” she said quietly, her voice breaking on the last word.

He didn’t respond, his silence cutting deeper than any argument could have.

And when the door slammed shut behind her, the emptiness it left behind was deafening.

-- time skip --

It had been weeks since Y/N left, and the emptiness in Lando’s flat mirrored the hollow ache in his chest. The regret weighed heavily on him, an unrelenting reminder of what he had lost. He tried to focus on racing, to bury himself in work, but it only made the silence louder.

Every room held memories of her—the scent of her perfume lingering in the air, the mug she always used sitting untouched on the kitchen counter. He stared at it now, running his thumb over the rim, a pang of guilt twisting his stomach.

"I’m sorry," he whispered to the empty room, though he knew it was far too late.

His phone buzzed on the counter, jolting him from his thoughts. The screen lit up with an unknown number. Frowning, he picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Is this Mr. Norris?" a calm but urgent voice asked.

"Yes, this is Lando Norris," he replied, his chest tightening with unease.

"This is St. Thomas’ Hospital. You’re listed as the emergency contact for Y/N Y/L/N. She’s been in an accident."

The world seemed to tilt on its axis. "What? An accident? Is she okay?" His voice cracked as panic surged through him.

"She’s stable, but you need to come down to the hospital immediately."

Lando didn’t think twice. Grabbing his keys, he bolted out the door, his heart pounding in his chest. The drive to the hospital felt like an eternity, every possible worst-case scenario playing in his mind.

At the Hospital

He burst through the hospital doors, scanning for the reception desk. "Y/N Y/L/N," he said breathlessly. "She was in an accident. Where is she?"

The nurse directed him to a room, and he practically sprinted down the hall. When he reached her room, he froze in the doorway.

Y/N was lying in the hospital bed, her face pale and a bandage on her forehead. But she was awake, her eyes widening when they landed on him.

"Lando?" she asked, her voice faint.

"I’m here," he said, stepping inside. His voice trembled as he approached her. "God, Y/N, are you okay? They told me about the accident—"

"I’m fine," she interrupted gently, though her voice was tired. "Just a few bruises and stitches."

Before he could respond, a doctor walked in, holding a clipboard.

"Ah, Mr. Norris, I’m glad you’re here," the doctor said with a kind smile.

"Is she okay? What happened?" Lando asked, his panic bubbling to the surface again.

"She’s stable, and the baby is fine as well," the doctor replied casually.

Lando blinked, the words not registering at first. "The baby?"

Y/N closed her eyes, exhaling deeply.

The doctor, sensing the tension, quickly excused herself.

Lando stared at Y/N, his mind racing. "You’re pregnant?"

"Yes," she said quietly, her gaze fixed on the blanket covering her legs.

"Why didn’t you tell me?" he asked, his voice breaking.

She finally looked at him, her eyes glistening with tears. "Because I couldn’t do this alone with you half in and half out of our lives, Lando. I needed to know you’d be there. Not just physically, but really there. For me and for this baby. I didn’t want my child to feel like a second choice."

"Second choice?" he repeated, his voice filled with anguish. "Y/N, I’ve made so many mistakes, but loving you was never one of them. I was stupid, I was selfish, and I pushed you away because I didn’t know how to balance everything. But this? This is everything. You and our baby are everything."

Tears slipped down her cheeks as she listened to his words. "Lando, I can’t do this if I’m going to be fighting for your attention. Our child deserves better than that."

He moved closer, kneeling by her bed and taking her hand in his. "You won’t have to fight anymore, Y/N. I promise. I’ll be there for you and for our baby. I’ll do whatever it takes to prove it to you. Just—just don’t shut me out."

Her lip trembled as she stared into his eyes, seeing the sincerity in them. "I need you to mean that, Lando. Not just for me, but for them."

"I do," he said firmly, his voice steady despite the tears pooling in his eyes. "I’ll be there for both of you, every step of the way."

After a long pause, she nodded, her grip on his hand tightening slightly. "Okay. But you get one chance, Lando. Don’t waste it."

"I won’t," he vowed, pressing a kiss to her knuckles.

For the first time in weeks, a sense of hope filled the room. It wasn’t going to be easy, but together, they could make it work.

time skip

Months later, Lando stood in a nursery he had painted himself, his hand resting on Y/N’s bump as they admired the crib he’d built.

"You really went all out, didn’t you?" she teased, smiling up at him.

"Nothing but the best for our baby," he said, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

Y/N smiled softly, her heart full as she rested her head against his shoulder. Maybe they had started rocky, but in this moment, she knew they were exactly where they were meant to be.

[merchantarthurn]

I'm definitely still recovering from relying on this to get me through uni and the above isn't kidding, it messes you up and your brain absolutely will start throwing up protective measures after a certain point (I've gotten off rather lightly all things considered - mild-moderate fatigue, increased executive disfunction, more frequent boughts of depression, something adjacent to - though more manageable than - agoraphobia, constant brain fog). But! I know I've struggled to find alternatives and spent a long time despairing because stress was all I was able to Rely On for such a long time, so here's some things.

Most importantly, you have to be forgiving if you "slip up". That includes falling back on Stress as a motivator OR failing to achieve something without it. It WILL happen, it will happen a lot, there is nothing shameful about that. Say it aloud to yourself if you're not feeling it. There's going to be a lot of Emotion to this, let yourself feel it as it comes.

It's a long road to improve that potentially has no end and our brains don't deal well with that. It's good to remind yourself of your long term goal occasionally (again, I find verbally expressing it is useful), but it can help to be a bit more micro-scale - a day, or a week. "How did today go?" "What was I satisfied with this week?" Let yourself reflect, do it at a time that feels right and don't make it Another Chore (I like to talk to myself in bed or whilst doing the dishes).

Planning too far in advance can make it daunting, lean into spontaneity where possible. When you remember something important with a deadline, "oh, I need to do that at some point", ask yourself if you can actually do it Now. If you can't, let what you do "now" be setting a reminder so you can have this thought again later. Boom, you've done something.

Satisfaction can carry you in place of stress, but it likely won't come to you. I know my brain doesn't really... do joy, relaxing, satisfaction? Not without conscious input from myself. You'll probably have to start by still relying on Stress, but take a moment afterwards to congratulate yourself for finishing and tell yourself to feel proud about it (again, verbally if needed). No task is too small for this. Squash the part of you that feels silly about it. The more you train yourself to sit in satisfaction, the more you can use it as a Carrot over the Stick that is stress. "If I get this done now, it will be really satisfying." is a mantra for me at the moment (it doesn't always work, but remember point No1).

Further to this - sometimes if positive emotion isn't a motivator, twisting the negative one to help you out can serve you well. "If I at least try and start on this, I will not let myself feel bad if I don't get much of it done." "Hey, if I do this now then I will have one less thing to do on Friday, and I won't get stressed about the deadline".

Tomorrow's a new day. Dissatisfaction comes easier, and it's okay to feel it. Start challenging yourself when it becomes self-shaming, though. You have the opportunity to be even a little better tomorrow.

Again, nothing is too small or silly to hype yourself up about. I struggle with putting things back where they belong which makes a Big Task of tidying stuff up - so I give myself a pat on the back whenever I want to just throw something on a nearby surface but instead make the effort to put it back where it goes. The little things just add up faster.

There's a bunch of adhd advice out there that's like "people with adhd tend to work better under deadlines due to the anxiety so here are ways to artificially induce a stress response in order to get you to get work done" and it's like well what if I don't want to be stressed out all the time in order to function

[elebicheee]

Insecure Attraction- X-MEN 97!Logan X F!Reader

A/N: I had to exorcise this from my system sksksksksksk. Might make a part two if anyone wants it.

Wordcount: 2142

Summary: Feelings grow like plants, and with plants come weeds that hinder that growth. After a close call on a mission Logan takes it upon himself to train you, and for a fleeting moment you think maybe your one-sided crush isn't as one-sided as you thought. Then you're interrupted, and jealousy rears its ugly head.

Warnings: Canon typical violence. Unrequited love but is it tho? Reader is described as taller than Logan and is referred to as she/her but no physical descriptions are used. Lowkey Jean Grey slander but its due to jealousy and misunderstanding.

PT2

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To say you'd spent most of your time in the mansion praying to whatever gods were out there that the telepaths on the property couldn't hear your thoughts was an understatement. Since you moved here everyone has been very welcoming and accommodating. And though you'd been a mutant your entire life, this was the first time you'd ever had to deal with mind readers. And that made you nervous.

Not because you had any sort of nefarious plans or dark treacherous secrets. But because you had a crush. A big one.

And you really, really, wanted to keep it under wraps because the thought of it ever turning into anything seemed so preposterous and far-fetched that your own feelings made you embarrassed. 

It started very slowly, your crush on Logan, so slow that by the time it had blossomed completely the roots were too deeply bedded to simply rip out. You didn't like him at first, he was brash, stubborn and pretty rude. And, not to mention, short. All things that you didn't like, at all. Surely. You'd entertained enough assholes in your life to want anything to do with him at all, and standing at almost six feet you knew how men reacted to feeling ‘lesser’. And by all accounts, you should want nothing to do with Logan-fucking-Howlett.

But here you were. It was strange how people's roles in one's mind changed without notice. 

Your powers were simple, being able to conjure panels of energy that you mostly used as shields for yourself or others. You had a pretty background position on the team, which you didn't mind at all given that before this you'd never really fought much. This relegated you to work on more ‘search and rescue’ missions after the big fights. Your panels allow you to keep buildings steady to give first responders time to get people out or keeping them safe during combat while they did their jobs. It was during these tasks that you saw the cracks in Logan’s gruff facade. 

It wasn't a secret that he all but ran towards the battlefield as soon as a skirmish started. But what most people didn't know was that he stayed, long after the battles ended. His body still healing from the damage, suit torn, he’d help anyone stuck under rubble, he'd take hits from falling debris in their place knowing that he could heal but they couldn't. 

“Fuck!” You heard his gruff voice nearby after the unmistakable sound of falling rubble and a fragile scream. You turned from the pillar you were holding in place to see Logan crouching over an elderly woman, a partially destroyed wall crumbled over his back.

“Logan!” You made sure it was safe to release your hold on the pillar before making your way to him carefully. There was some blood on his part but nothing he wouldn't walk away from. Making sure there was nothing stabbing him, you created a panel between his back and the shattered wall, keeping it firmly in place allowing him to move freely and carry the old woman to safety. Despite the obvious pain he was in he moved carefully, mindful of the old woman's fragility. You stared as he handed her carefully to the paramedics nodding wordlessly at her teary thank yous and walking away. It was only when you heard Scott call for your help that you released the wall you were holding in place, its impact on the floor waking you from your dazedness that you tore your gaze away from Logan's wounded back and continued to do your job. 

That was one of many moments that slowly chipped away at your crude first impression of him, and built something more for him inside your heart.

For the most part, you just observed from afar, convinced that this was enough for you. Because his heart already belonged to someone else. Because men don't like taller women. Because he wasn't the relationship-type unless it involved a certain redhead. Excuses, excuses, excuses. 

Every small act of kindness offered or thoughtful gestures that were meant only for those on the receiving end and no one else made the feeling in your chest tighter. Saving civilians, despite the very real possibility that they were mutant-hating bigots; Or offering reassurance to Morph when they were having a bad day. Every action just crushed your little heart bit by bit.

You wanted to bash your head against a wall.

Once you knew that Logan could be kind, it was impossible to not see every little act of kindness hidden beneath layers of brashness and sarcasm. Like right now.

After a particularly difficult mission you were overwhelmed by the amount of rubble and buildings you had to keep together as first responders cleared the area. Too overwhelmed to notice a rogue sentinel. Which would have gotten you killed, had Logan not been there.

Now you made your way through the simulation currently running in the danger room, dodging and redirecting attacks and falling debris thrown your way from the simulated sentinels. Logan though you didn't get enough time in the field, which made you rusty. And being rusty could mean death. Even though you knew this impromptu training session came from a place of care, you were perfectly fine with your rust. 

“This is so not necessary!” You yelled at him while taking cover behind an overturned vehicle, “I'm not a fighter, I'm a first responder!” A blast shot near your head and you turned and ran further away from the approaching sentinel.

“The Friends of Humanity and the sentinels won't care ‘bout that bub.” Logan answered sharply through the P.A. system, his voice sending a shiver down your spine. “You're a mutant, that's all they'll see. They'll take any chance they can get to kill ya.” Blocking a direct shot from the sentinel you gasped in exhaustion and ran into an alley. “You're not gonna give em’ that chance.” 

Fuck. He definitely wasn't gonna let you out of here unless you took down that sentinel or you were too wounded to continue. And you preferred it be the former rather than the latter. Partially because the latter came with a scolding, but mostly because you didn't want to break anything during a training session of all things. You took a breath. You weren't great at attacks, mainly because you lacked the control it took to make a plan and then move it, but you could do them. You crouched and looked back at the sentinel, it lost sight of you but it was coming closer, scanning. If you could line your shot just right, you could probably take it down in one shot. You needed to move in close, your focus, or lack thereof, wouldn't allow for any sort of long range attack.

You sighed deeply, feeling the burn of exhaustion in your lungs, and ran out and towards the thing. It was scanning a nearby building, and so long as you didn’t make too much noise you'd have a few precious seconds to get close enough to decapitate the thing. But luck was not on your side since a car you jumped over decided to blast it’s alarm. Great, you'd definitely have to try launching a plane from much farther than you anticipated. The sentinel turned to face you, standing at attention it raised an arm and shot a beam in your direction. You got low, dodging as you rolled in its direction. You focused the shape of the plan in your mind, raised your hand as you ran in the machine's direction and similar to a pitcher, accumulating all the force and focus you could, you threw the thing in its direction. 

Your knees buckled under you, they hit the simulated pavement. You looked up to see that your plane had left a cut on the sentinels face, it was deep enough to incapacitate the thing, but not the decapitation you were planning. But it worked the same. The thing fell forward, debris piling around it and in all directions. But before it could reach you the simulation disappeared. You sighed in relief and sat back.

Logan entered the now empty danger room and approached you. He kneeled in front of you, a smirk on his face.

“Now that wasn't so hard, was it bub?” He asked sarcastically, making sure you weren't seriously injured, but aside from a few knicks and scratches you were fine. Content with that knowledge he offered a hand to you. “Next time we'll try two.”

“Hilarious.” You deadpanned, taking his hand as he hauled you to your feet. You took in the feel of his calloused hand in yours, and for a moment wondered how many times of hurt it took for someone with a near perfect healing factor to have hands as callous as his’. You swallowed the lump in your throat, and ignored the heat crawling from your hand up to your neck. “I am never doing this again, thank you.” You continued letting go of his hand, you looked down at him desperately hoping he couldn't tell how you were feeling inside. With his enhanced senses, you could never know, but you schooled your features.

“C’mon kid, my teachin’ aint that bad.” He chuckled looking up at you. The way he never hesitated looking up at you, never took a step back to measure your height against his, even the first time you met, always added fuel to the fire in your heart. Men were always weird about you being taller than them, but never Logan. Sometimes you wished he would, then maybe you'd be able to look him in the eyes for more than a few seconds at a time.

“It's definitely intense.” You averted your gaze and bussied yourself with checking where you needed to have your uniform mended. Honestly unnecessary since Hank seemed to enjoy those tasks, but anything that could keep your gaze away from him was welcome. 

“You can handle it.” His voice was deep, husky. And for a single delusional moment you wondered if he was actually talking about the training. 

No. Surely not.

“Well, I'm glad one of us thinks so.” You tried to sound sarcastic, not flustered. You went to walk past him but he stopped you with a hold on your arm. You looked back at him, his gaze was serious, you ignored how it felt to have those eyes on you.

“I'm serious.” His voice was firm, his hand firm on your arm, not letting go. “You can handle this, you need to. You could've died out there.”

“I didn't, I'm fine.” 

“You almost weren't.” He grit his teeth, he brought up his other hand and held your other arm. Now you faced him fully. He was not letting you go. “I can't always be there to keep you safe, I need to know that you'll be okay even if I'm not there.”

“I-” You gaped at him, your face was so hot you feared you'd combust right there. You tried to squirm out of his grasp, but his hold was firm, the more you tried to escape him the firmer his hold became. “I appreciate the concern, but I promise I'm fine!”

“Listen-” The sudden swish of the entrance to the danger room cut him off. Both of you turned to face the door to find Jean Grey standing there. Instantly he dropped his hands, leaving you colder than you were before his touch.

“Am I interrupting something?” She asked, a hint of amusement on her face. “I can come back later.”

“No.” His answer was so immediate it felt like you'd been shot in the chest. “What do you need Jeannie?” He walked over to her, back to you. 

And there it was. 

She was his Jeannie. His everything. The girl he'd wait forever for even when she's clearly never looking his way, not really. For a moment you just watched them. The way he looked at her, the way she looked at him. Whatever they were saying was completely lost to you. The few feet between you and the pair felt like miles.

The other root took hold. Green and ugly. Jealousy. Was it fair to be so jealous over someone that would never be yours? The warm feeling in your chest turned cold, gripping and painful.

It wasn't fair. She has Scott, why was she still stringing Logan along?!-

Her gaze shot towards you, eyes wide.

Oh no.

no , no, no!

You'd thought too loud. She’d definitely heard you. Logan looked between the two of you, confused. He hesitated, but took a step towards you. 

You pushed past the pair, ignoring both their protests, heart hammering in your ears. If Logan called after you, you didn't hear him. 

You really hated living with telepaths.

[didalexiabreakupwitholgaisback]

Hey, thanks for sharing all your knowledge - I wanted to ask you about rivals especially because you've been a fan of Barcelona for so long. I know Real Madrid are their biggest rivals now but who was it before they were formed? I have vague knowledge of CD Tacón but just wondering about your take on it all? And whether there'd be any websites/articles on the lore of it all? Thanks so much.

thanks anon! so the big rivals for barça before real madrid became a thing were: rayo vallecano, espanyol, and atletí. atletí won the league 3 years in a row from 2016 - 2019 before barça started its dominance.

but i wouldn't compare these rivalries on the same level of intensity or hate as with real madrid. and that's because a lot of our barça players played on these teams or spent time in the academies of these teams, so even though there are stronger rivalries on the men's side. there's just not that same feeling as in the barça femení -real madrid rivalry as of today. plus, cd tacón never amounted to much on its own.

the barça-atletí matches used to be a lot of fun and we got some feisty matches, including the match where jenni and alexia got into it and jenni had this moment with the ref.

[venomwrites]

Caitvi having a double date with Timebomb

“The fuck, Ekko?! You painted each other?!”

It’s a surprise when Vi finally staggers back from Piltover’s polished halls. She sure as fuck isn’t supposed to. It’s not part of the plan. Of course Vi doesn’t know there’s a plan. She staggers down all the same. Instead of the broken, screaming woman sliding off the ledge she is the Vi that has appeared throughout Ekko’s life. Brash and loud and a pain in the ass. But she’s alive in this world and that fucking means something. He’s not sure what in the cosmic sense. But when she kicks open the door, he’s pretty sure right now it means she’s about to kick his ass. 

“That’s a weird way to say hello,” he spits back. 

“You painted my sister!” She accuses. 

He’s fucking tired. Sleep is never enough, everything feels sluggish. He doesn’t know if it’s grief or if he managed to fix time and break himself in the process. Ekko’s used to building things from ruins. But it takes time. Right now it’s just frustrating as hell. He’s seen what the world can be, he’s got something to strive for. But that goal feels like when he was a kid and he’d look up at the tall buildings. He can strive for it all he fucking wants. There’s a good chance he’s never going to get it. He’s always cared about possibilities. Even if the odds are against him, there’s still a chance. Now though he knows what is out there. What’s out there and what’s missing here. That is the bitterest pill to swallow for some fucked up reason. 

Also his earlobes hurt. 

“You’re not here about the paint,” he says. 

“Yeah I am,” Vi snaps, “what the fuck? She’s a kid!”

Ekko grinds his teeth. He does not want to talk about this. He doesn’t want to deal with Vi’s protective bullshit. Not when he’s spent all this time listening to Jinx talk about how Vi needs to be up there. Ekko half wanted a sibling most of his life, but the way the pair of them are with each other makes him glad he never had one. 

“No, Vi, she’s not!” He erupts finally, “none of us are! When are you gonna see that?!”

Vi stands still. She’s pissed but Ekko knows she needs to hear it. Someone has to tell her. Tell her in a way that gets through her thick skull so they can all start to heal. He’s not an idiot, he knows how Jinx is without her sister. Both of their plans are stupid. They always have been. That’s why one winds up in jail and one winds up in hell. And then they just fucking switch places, cry about it and switch again. Ekko is tired of listening to stupid ideas. 

Vi is suddenly in his face. Still with that miserable look on her eyes. She reaches out slowly and bats away his hand when he tries to stop her. She pinches the corner of his ear between her thumb and her forefinger. Gently but it’s enough to make him hiss. 

“Geez Ekko, this is infected,” she says. Ekko wants to yell at her, “you do this yourself?”

“No.”

“Seriously? Your ear?” She peers around his head, “both of them? When did you two have the time?”

“I don’t know, how long does it take you to fuck your girlfriend?” He questions. 

Vi glares but doesn’t drop his ear. She shoves her hands into her pockets and pulls out a little bottle. The clear gel she swipes around the fresh earrings make his ears sting but it’s also nice and cool. She huffs again and turns to do the other one. 

“I was in prison and managed to keep mine not infected,” she mutters. 

“Yeah? How’d you manage that?”

“Salt packs,” she says. 

She hands him the bottle. Some nice Piltie thing filled with the clear gel. Ekko wants to smack her hand away but he recognizes the peace offering for what it is. It feels like he’s back in the peaceful version of the world for a moment. Where the divides between the cities aren’t that great. He realizes abruptly that in this world Vi has actually managed to bring some of that here. She crossed that divide without even thinking. Right out of prison, back when they were all too stupid to see what was going on. 

Ekko knows it’s because she didn’t do it alone. 

“How’s the Piltie?” He asks.

“Better,” Vi says evasively. Ekko rolls his eyes, “I didn’t come here to talk abut her!” He just keeps staring at Vi, “I don’t know!” Vi says throwing up her hands. She drags her hand through her hair. Her bad arm moves seamlessly. Another Piltover souvenir, “she’s talking about giving up her council seat. She’s barely eating. All those fucking fancy Piltie doctors do is try to get her to talk. She doesn’t like talking about her feelings.”

Ekko sighs.

This is part of being a leader. 

“Sounds like she needs you,” he says cutting through Vi’s bullshit, “up there.”

“She doesn’t want to talk to me,” Vi says.

“So don’t talk,” Ekko suggests, “seriously she kicked you out and your solution was to come all the way down here? Go back there and—“ he hesitates a moment, “just sit with her until she does.”

Vi sighs, shoves her hands into her pockets and rocks back on her heels. For a moment Ekko feels like a kid caught doing something wrong. Even though he hasn’t and Vi’s already yelled at him for what she suspects. It’s not about the paint or the earrings. It’s about Jinx. Jinx let him touch her when she wouldn’t let Vi touch her. Ekko knows Vi hates that. He feels weird about it when he thinks on it too long. Not because of Vi—or not only because of Vi. It’s all their history together. But he said what happened, what he saw. And Jinx believed him way more readily than he would have believed her. It’s weird and knotted and not something he wants to think about too hard. 

“Sit with her until she does,” Vi repeats. 

“Yeah,” he says, “it’s fair—“

There’s a snap around his wrist. 

Piltie cuffs. 

The other locks around Vi’s own wrist.

“The fuck?”

“Sorry, little man,” Vi says, the nickname slipping out, “I’m not going back alone.”

“So you handcuff me?!”

“Handcuff us,” she says, dangling her wrist up, “maybe one day we can walk together normally,” Ekko reaches for his key but only hits the skin that shows above his pants, “next time maybe get a full shirt.”

“Shut up!”

Vi drags him up and away. Ekko plans his escape. He hates walking. Hates walking the Lanes most of all. It reminds him of his failures and the past. When he flies he can leave it all down here. Up there none of it can catch him. Now he drags through the muck. What catches him off guard is the newness he sees popping up. New cans of paint, fresh tarps, resources. Vi catches his stunned gaze and offers a grin as they make their way past. Ekko nearly falls flat on his face trying to get a good look. He wants to drink it all in. But Vi is determined. She drags him up past where the buildings nicer and into a private box. 

“We should have taken my board,” he grumbles as it pulls them higher. 

“I wasn’t letting you anywhere near that thing.” 

He scoffs. 

Hesitates. 

He doesn’t know if he wants to know. Maybe that makes him weak. But what’s the right way to ask what version of someone is awake? It doesn’t really matter. After what he did Jinx and Powder both probably want him dead. He messed up the plan. Instead of flying her out of here like he was supposed to he was unconscious. She sailed out of that air duct with no-one to catch her. He let her down again. He could have gone with her, maybe he should have. But all he could think when he saw her being carted off by fancy doctors with Vi’s hand tight in hers was that maybe she too had a chance at getting away. He’d messed up her trust enough. Something must show in his face. 

“She started talking to Isha two nights ago,” Vi says. 

“Two nights?!” He demands. 

“I’ve been trying to find you!” Vi snaps, holding up her wrist again.

“Why didn’t you start with that?!” He demands. She shrugs and rubs the back of her neck, “what’s she saying?” 

“She’s telling her about you,” Vi says. 

She drags him through the shiny halls of a building flooded with sunlight. He knew Vi wouldn’t let her be thrown into a cell. There are guards everywhere though. But they are guards who nod at Vi even through the disgust on their face. She brings him to a door and undoes the cuff. She hesitates a moment before knocking and opening it up. Ekko hesitates at the sound of whispering. What if he makes this worse again?

“Jinx? It’s Vi. I brought someone to see you,” the whispering stops. 

Vi reaches for him but he bats her hand away and forces himself forward. 

Jinx is crouched in the far corner. Her entire head is cased in white bandages. They match her pale skin and the white garment they’ve put her in. The room is completely devoid of color. The only color is her purple eyes. They regard him from underneath the bandages, surrounded by bruises. She blinks twice and looks to her side like she’s looking for someone. But then like she always does, her eyes flick over and focus on him. Vi inhales sharply when she gets to her feet and makes her way over. 

“I thought you died,” she says simply. It’s hard to swallow, “you were supposed to be there.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” he says. Her fingers tap his hand and then snatch back. Unsure. He now knows more about the war in her head, but that doesn’t make it any easier, “I broke time.”

“How?”

“Turned it back longer than four seconds,” he says. Her lip curls, “A lot longer.”

“So you made it a bomb,” she says, “did it work?”

“We’re here aren’t we?” 

She freezes and looks around. He feels behind him in Vi’s general directly and pushes. His hand hits some part of her that stands hard and unyielding and needs to get the fuck out. Before Ekko can look he feels her withdraw. Then it’s just him and Jinx in the white room. Her hand goes out and back and out in something that almost looks like she’s swinging her arm. Then it streaks out and latches onto his wrist. He turns his hand as she walks her fingers to his palm and clenches theirs together. Her lips tremble and she looks up at him. 

“It fell apart again,” she says, her voice steadier even as her lips tremble, “I fucked it up.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” he says, gripping her shoulder. She tenses at the contact and but her eyes remain stubbornly focused on him, “I fucked it up too. I broke time.”

“It’s not a competition,” she huffs. 

“Good, because I’d win,” he says. Her eyes narrow, “I broke time,” he reminds her. 

“Seems fixed now,” she shoots back, “seems—slow,” she glances around the room, something annoyed flickering in her eyes, “I don’t like it in here.”

“Okay,” he says, “let’s get out of here.”

She shivers at the thought. Ekko hates that she’s been trapped in this room for even a moment. Though he recognizes this was the safest place for her, it feels wrong. He doesn’t know what the line is though. Safe and tolerable seem to be on opposite sides of the spectrum for her. He doesn’t even know if he can take her out of here. Maybe they’ve both been locked in the room. Still, he resolves to try. He reaches for the door and tugs. Thankfully it opens. Sunlight spills forward from the massive windows. Jinx hesitates next to him. 

“I know it’s a lot,” he says, “lean on me.” 

She puts more of her weight on him and something further eases in his chest. They take the few steps out of the room together. Her other hand comes up and covers her forehead as she looks at the bright blue sky. He knows she wants to fly away but for now she just leans on him. Somehow that feels like enough. He sees a seam in the window and shoves it up with one hand. Only a trickle of a breeze comes through but she closes her eyes. The peace on her face doesn’t make him think of the other Powder for once. It makes him think of the cans of fresh paint in the Lanes. The spark of life surrounded by all the darkness. It’s just a spark, just a pair of tearful eyes on a bridge, but it is there. It’s all that matters. 

“Can we fly?” she asks. 

“We will,” he promises, “but not on an empty stomach.”

Her eyes shoot open and look hopefully at him. He has a feeling even with all the wealth she’s been refusing to eat. Now she looks hungry. It’s something. He looks around for anyone who could bring them food. Maybe he can hid her from Vi long enough to ask. He sees the half cracked door down the hall. Jinx tightens her fingers on him and leans more heavily. 

“Can you trust me this time?” He asks. 

She hesitates and then nods. He reaches up and eases some of the bandage down to cover her eyes. She leans fully on him but matches his steps as they hobble over to the room. Vi is sitting there with Caitlyn. Who also has bandages over her eyes. She’s sitting perfectly straight, her visible eye staring at her hands. Vi looks anguished next to her, but she is sitting there. Waiting. Ekko keeps Jinx on the other side of the door as he cracks it. Vi’s eyes take in the fingers clenched around his and she pushes herself up. 

“I need food,” he hisses. 

Vi looks at Caitlyn like she doesn’t know what to do. Ekko gets the distinct impression all three of them are in their own cells. She and Caitlyn seem to be waiting for someone to open theirs. For two people who keep breaking each other out of prison, they are fucking awful at it. He doesn’t have time for them to figure out which key hits the lock in this moment. Not with Jinx laying her head on his shoulder. 

“Hey, Piltie—“ he grinds his teeth. Her eye blinks like she’s struggling to hear him. Slowly her her starts to move. “Caitlyn,” he hisses. The blue eye meets his, “you want to help? I need food. For her.”

Caitlyn frowns and Vi lets out a ragged breath. Something that sounds like relief. Caitlyn looks around and reaches for something. Vi grabs the cup on the side of the bed. Caitlyn looks from her to the cup and blinks again before taking it. Their hands brush against each other and there’s a wetness in both of their eyes that Ekko would find gross under any circumstances. Caitlyn drinks and reaches out of Ekko’s view. There’s a hushed exchange and Vi appears with a tray laden with food. 

“Finally,” Jinx sighs and Ekko realizes she’s pulled up the bandage. His heart catches as he waits for her to look for one of her ghosts but she just reached out and takes something off the plate, “how’d you get fruit up here?”

No-one seems to know how to answer and Jinx looks between them. There’s something like annoyance on her face at their silence. 

“Kiramman’s can get anything,” he says, “how hard did you hit your head?” He teases. Jinx rolls her eyes and immediately leans more against him, “shit—“

“Bring her here,” Caitlyn says and the authority in her raspy voice has him moving before he remember what a bad idea that is, “Vi—“

“I just need to sit,” she grouses. He guides her into the chair but she tangles their feet and somehow he winds up in the chair and she winds up in his lap. She slings and arm over his shoulders and drops her head onto his chest like that’s normal and looks at the pair of them, “how come you got to keep your hair?” She asks Caitlyn. 

“She didn’t crack her skull,” Vi blurts out. Jinx nuzzles closer to him. Ekko can feel the start of stubble on her skull where the bandages have rolled up, “she—“

“Lost my eye,” Caitlyn says finally. They both look at each other. The blanket moves and after a moment Vi slips her hand underneath. Just enough to keep their joined hands out of view, “my eye is gone,” Caitlyn says with a bit more firmness. 

Jinx sighs and gets more comfortable against him. 

“I wanted to steal a ship and fly away,” she complains. Vi’s throat works as Ekko’s heart jumps. But she’s not away. She’s here. Itching her stubble against his neck, “now you look like a pirate,” Vi covers her mouth with her hand. Caitlyn stares at her. Her mouth frowns and the eases, then almost smiles, “too many pirates,” she sighs, “I’m floating.”

Vi lurches forward and peers at her head. But she doesn’t let go of Caitlyn’s hand. Or maybe Caitlyn won’t let her. She and Ekko look at each other and she shakes her head. No sign of bleeding. Maybe she is just tired. It’s not like they have much leeway when it comes to not eating. Though Gods knew she tried to get out of it enough until he figured out how to make it a game she enjoyed. Now he feels her breathing start to even out and realizes she’s fallen asleep. He looks at Vi who seems painfully caught between being a big sister and a girlfriend—between all the roles that have been put on her. So Ekko chooses instead and gets his arm under Jinx’s knees. She doesn’t move when he straightens up. 

“Is there a normal room?” 

“Yeah,” Vi says. 

She gives Caitlyn’s hand a squeeze and pushes up. She leads him two doors in the opposite direction. It’s a small room but there’s clean sheets and a window. He nods and walks over to the window with Jinx in his arms, cracking it open. The fresh air makes her sigh in her dreams. Vi’s gaze is hot on his neck. He knows where her mind is, where his would be too if he didn’t know. If he hadn’t spent those days living his life in three second increments. Vi didn’t. But Vi stands there silently and doesn’t close the window. After another long moment she nods at him and leaves the room. 

When he goes to put her down he feels a tug at his hips.

Jinx has stuck her wrist into his belt. Ekko knows he could pull it out. He also knows what she is asking. It takes some maneuvering to get them onto the bed facing each other. But he’s contorted himself through worse. He gets them facing each other. His head high on the pillow, hers low but they fit. He doesn’t bother with the sheets as he pulls her into the confines of his jacket. She sighs and nudges forward more, rubbing her bandaged head under his chin. 

“Itchy,” she mumbles. 

He curves his hand up and rubs against the bandages along he skull. She sighs and buries herself even closer, working one of her legs between his. It’s new and familiar at the same time. She likes to be held like this so when she wakes up she can know he’s there without asking. Without wondering. It makes the ghosts go away. He’s never seen her sleep this deeply though. 

“Thanks,” she mumbles into his collarbone. He doesn’t know what she’s thanking him for. But he has a feeling it’s more than scratching her head, “stay?”

“Yeah,” he says, tightening his coat around them both. 

She hums and within moments is back asleep. Ekko wants to stay awake but the feel of her breath is hypnotic. Suddenly, it’s like he’s been awake since before he broke time. Like he doesn’t know how to be awake anymore. It’s hard to let go enough to sleep and not guard against the world. But Jinx keeps breathing steadily against his chest. Ekko feels his own breath catching her rhythm. He relaxes further into the beat between them. 

It’s always, always a dance. 

He never wants it to end. 

[kr-starz]

Y'know that line, where Felicia says that they're all responsible for taking care of her kids? Vander, Silco, and herself? Specifically Vi because she's her first, but it's the fact that the two (Silco and Vander) are doing what they're doing out of love for Felicia and the kids. They look at them and see a better future for the undercity. Vander took in Vi and Powder because that's what Felicia would've wanted, because she entrusted them to make Zaun a better place in order to raise her kids. Yet, she never got the Zaun that would treat her kids right. But she chose the right people to raise and take care of them as best they can.

The kids barely know their mom, but they've taken every aspect of her being knowingly or not. They're stolen her spirit and they engulf every aspect of who she would've stood for. And Vander raises them with the morals of Zaunian's, he raises both Vi and Powder as best he can; but I like to note how Vi is more-so of Vanders kid, not saying Powder wasn't meaningful to him, I'm just saying Vi spent a lot more time after Vander, and took after him more. This is important seeing as how Violet turns out in the war, but she has so many aspects of Vander it shakes me sometimes.

Silco doesn't take in Vi, but he does take in Powder/Jinx. Powder is the only kid to just encapsulate all of the main trio. Which is why she probably turns out how she turns out. Silco, while he does split paths with Vander, I doubt that he has ill-willed intentions towards Felicia. Hell he probably thinks about her fondly while looking at Jinx. The reason I mention Vi turning out a lot more Vander-like is the fact that Silco has such a long term grudge against Vander that it seems like he see's a lot more of Vander in Vi than Powder; ESPECIALLY after their fight. So that's why he doesn't like Vi that much after all.

So seeing as Powder is more Felicia than Vander, Silco raises her and he raises her how he would. Because Powder is so young when he took her in, she is impressionable and malleable. Easy to convince of things; which brings me to a whole other rabbit hole I can't quite go down, but it's easier for Silco to tell Jinx that her sister left her. Similar to how Vander hurt him and abandoned him (I don't remember this part THAT much I apologize). But it's obvious Silco see's many similarities between Jinx and Vi, with himself and Vander. You know that Jacket scene? Where Jinx finds both Vander and Silco's jacks on the same rack? Where Silco's jacket is tucked neatly beneath Vander almost in a protective way. (That's how I interpreted it at least). It's similar to how Vi has protected Jinx as her older sister. Silco and Jinx get along so well because they're so similar to the other, and it makes sense for Jinx to be raised by Silco instead of Silco taking in Vi for any alt lore swaps.

Jinx is so loved. Not only is she raised by her mother, and her two godfathers, she has a sister willing to go to the earths end for her. She's so loved, yet every moment she's spent not feeling it, it ends up in destruction. And every moment she does feel loved, she feels that doom take over, that inevitability where the cycle of bad luck will happen.

Jinx is like a perfect embodiment of a Zaunian citizen; seeing as how she was raised by Vander, Silco, and Felicia. They all stand for different things in hopes of reaching the same goal. Felicia is given very little screen time, but within that limited time you're able to see that she is the drive, the desire and the hope you find in a person. The drive that makes you want to improve, the drive that makes you want to better the world and fight for it. Vander is the heart of Zaun, he drives it forward by keeping everything afloat, his morals and rules of "we don't turn in our own people" is just plain loyalty. He's the person achieving those dreams by setting the ground rules, he enforces and he keeps the boat steady. Silco is looking towards the future, he's the person who's actively making an effort in order to change, he's the brains of the operation and he does what he can in order to achieve his and everyones dream of hopefully making the undercity a better place for people to live in; and by people we mean his loved ones, and by his loved ones we mean Jinx. Because Silco is so fundamentally flawed as he's portrayed as a villain and acts like one, his cruelty is an understatement, but what he's fighting for still stands. Which is making Zaun a better place for Felicia's kids to be raised; it wasn't the path they thought It would turn out to be, but it was the path that he forged in order to get what he viewed as the perfect life for Jinx. Because he's fighting for her. And that's another reason why I feel like he's so keen on keeping her happy.

Anyways end of yap session, tldr; Jinx Is the perfect embodiment of a Zaunian citizen because she's been raised by the hopes, foundation, and future of Zaun (Felicia, Vander, and Silco)

[beuxwhoyouare]

Ready to Go

I always thought I would die young. I just don’t forsee a long life ahead for me. It’s not like sad or anything I just think I’ve done all I wanted to. There’s never been like a dream job or goal I’ve ever foresaw in my future. It’s not depression or anything, if anything I think more people should be honest with themselves about being useless and just tapping out of a long life of nothingness.

See. You’ve read this long and didn’t even notice I haven’t mentioned my name. That’s because like my life, my name is equally inconsequential.

I was pondering about ways to easily tap out of life while I sat at the bus stop waiting. Eventually I got on the bus at my usual stop to take me to my usual destination when an older white man slowly waved his hand in front of my wandering gaze.

“What’s out there?” he feebly asked in a weak voice.

I’ve never been asked something on my route before. I kinda just zone out into my own mind like this and-

“Hey kid. You keep zoning out are you okay?” he interrupted my internal thought.

It’s like he knew I was talking to myself but how?

“I’m just in my own head. Sorry did you want the window seat?” I finally replied audibly.

“No. Just making sure you’re okay. Was worried you were one of those druggies or something. Whole life ahead of you and you youngins just throw it all away.”

What a presumptive thought. He really believes that young people can’t have a complex and existential inner dialogue. I think older people don’t give us enough credit. I’m complex, I think.

*hehe*

What’s he laughing at. Wait maybe he is listening to my inner dialogue? Let’s see. Lemme think of something and see how he responds. I don’t want to die, I just want to peacefully tap out of the game of existence.

Damn nothing? He isn’t going to say anything? I’m losing my mind.

“Where do you want to go in life kid?”

HE HEARD ME I KNEW IT!

“I mean let’s say you manifested it enough. Maybe I’m here to help you move on. The worst thing you can do is live a life unfulfilled. It seems like that’s how you’re living.”

“You can’t be serious…What can you do?”

“It’s not really me, more like a pact to the deities that rule existence. It’s the law of the land. Everything in this world is all about balance. Even our lives, if one aspect is out of balance it could throw the whole world out of whack.”

“So what’s out of balance? Just because I’m tired of being aimless in life? It’s not like I’m the only aimless one right?”

“Maybe you’re not the only one, but you’re the only aimless one put in my life. I have so much I wanted to do but spent too much time wasted. I wanted kids, I wanted love, I wanted it all but got sick and spent years withering away in a hospital bed.”

….why is he telling me all this? What can I do about the law of the land? If I could help him I would but he’s talking about myths and hocus pocus.

The bus made an abrupt stop next to a big park near a historical reserve in town. The old man grabbed my arm and dragged me with him off the bus, across the street to the park.

“Dude your boney arm is hurting me. I’ll follow you just let me go”

“We’re here anyway. I can feel one of the deity’s presence around us. All you have to do is say your true hearts desire out loud for it to become true. You can’t move on and I can get a chance to fix my life’s shortcomings.”

My true hearts desire? Doesn’t he get it my problem is I don’t have a desire. There’s nothing fueling me.

“That! Say that out loud.”

“I KNEW YOU COULD HEAR ME! But how?”

“Your inner dialogue was calling to me like a siren. I’m telling you I was meant to hear it. To run into you! This moment was meant to happen.”

Honestly resisting the occult is too much work anyway. I don’t know why I’m even poking and prodding into his story. What is it going to do for me in the end? He’s offering me a way out.

“I don’t have desire. I don’t have a goal. I’m not sad, I’ve lived an okay life but I’m done.”

“I want a real chance to live life. I payed my dues. Please all I ask for is a real chance.”

If felt like all the sounds of nature stopped. The sun suddenly disappeared and it felt like a spotlight appeared above us. All I could see was the old man when he disappeared in front of me. It all disappeared in front of me. Then silence. Well everything was silent from then on. My request to tap out was granted.

“Keven. I like that name, I definitely look like a Keven now. This is a good place to start I think?”

I feel bad that a young person could fall out of love with existing. There’s so much young people have to live for and he just wanted to die? I’ll live the best live for the both of us.

I’m quite the looker now too so that should probably help on the having kids and starting a family front. Although he’s a little short for my liking. You know what no I’m going to be grateful for this new life I’ve been given. There’s still some memories in my head that belong to him. I think he might be gay….well I never got to explore those things in my time but it doesn’t help the kids dream.

Whatever I think starting today I’m going to be Bi. I’m gonna search through these memories and continue working out. Seems like it has a positive impact on people’s outlook and morale. Maybe that’s where the kid went wrong. He didn’t seek ways to be happy. I’m choosing happiness and choosing to be fulfilled.

Let’s start by jerking this thick beer can growing under my shorts though…and maybe seeing if this hot couple in the gym might want a newly confident Latino twunk third.

[ofgoldandbraid]

that’s my woman!

lilia calderu x reader

agatha gets a little too touchy-feely with lilia’s girl.

word count: 1.6k

warnings/content: smut, but cute, but not at the same time, jealousy (l), oral sex (r receiving), fingering (r receiving), mentions of being burned alive (sorry), voyeurism (a little? maybe it’s just getting caught), if i missed anything let me know!

note: cranked this out after i got off of work so the exhaustion may be noticeable.

———

the sound of laughter filled the smoky air around the coven. real laughter, following real stories shared by the witches as they grew closer to one another.

« okay, we’ve seen lilia’s, agatha’s, and rio’s scars, » alice started before quickly being interrupted by jen.

« alice, we did not see rio’s scar, »

lilia rolled her eyes and loudly groaned.

« jen, does it really matter? » she huffed, impatient and tired.

alice stood up and stared down at jen.

« as i was saying before i was so rudely interrupted, » alice began again. if she could burn holes into things with her eyes, jen would be dust. « we’ve heard from everyone else, but not y/n. it’s your turn. »

you smirked and sat up straight.

« so, what’s your story? what epic battles have you fought? » the teen questioned.

« alright, alright. since you want to know so badly, » you began to roll the legs of your pants up. « these are very old. »

gasps echoed around the fire, with agatha and rio getting up to take a closer look at the scars that cover your legs.

« these are from the first time someone tried to have me burned at the stake, » you laughed at the end, and everyone shot a concerned look at you.

« they didn’t try to have you burned, honey, they did have you burned. shit, i bet that hurt like hell, » agatha said, moving away from your exposed legs to raise a hand to your face.

you pulled away from her touch, but not fast enough. she twirled the front pieces of your hair between her index and middle finger.

suddenly, lilia wrapped her arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to her.

« i remember those days, doll. i don’t miss them. but now you have us. you’ll never have to worry about someone trying to hurt you again, »

you turned to face lilia and kissed her gently on the cheek.

« thank you, » you whispered, turning to everyone. « thank you all for being here for me. »

agatha stood up and kicked jen away from your other side, taking her place on the log you were sitting on.

« agatha, what the fuck is wrong with you? » jen asked, unfazed and accustomed to agatha’s actions after their time spent together on the road.

« shhh, we’re having a moment, » agatha whispered in a joking manner before leaning into you and placing a hand on your lower back.

lilia jumped to her feet and began clapping and shooing everyone away.

« okay, that’s enough, time for bed, people. we’ve got a long day ahead of us. i’ve got first watch, » she yelled, drowning out the chatter.

like the good coven they are, they listened to her.

« y/n, could i speak with you for a moment? »

you were making your way over to the most comfortable looking rock.

« of course, » you turned around and walked up to meet her at the center of the road.

« come walk with me? » lilia softly asked, raising an eyebrow and making you melt.

she stretched an arm out, and you took her hand.

---

« you’ve been awfully quiet, doll, » lilia said as she gave your cold hand a comforting squeeze.

« i just don’t have a lot to say, » you whispered into her ear, pushing her curls back with your free hand.

she stopped by a tree on the road and turned back to you, laughing to herself and pulling you closer.

« we both know that’s a lie, » her lips grazed yours. « i want to hear those pretty thoughts, and i want to hear them in that pretty voice coming from your pretty mouth. »

« that’s a little forward, » you smiled against her.

lilia leaned against the tree, taking you back with her.

« i’m always forward, because unlike you, i’m an honest person, » she teased.

she placed her hand in the same spot agatha’s had been in when you were around the fire.

it clicked.

« that’s what happened, » you thought aloud. « now i understand. lilia, are you mad about what agatha did? »

she tossed her head back in a cackle, nearly hitting it against the tree trunk.

« why would you ever think that? » lilia exclaimed sarcastically. « what, do you think i’m jealous of her? »

she leaned in to kiss you hard, biting your lips and shoving her tongue into your mouth. it was rough, and you couldn’t get enough.

« well, you know i’d only ever let you do something like this to me, » you quietly said into her neck after she finished her attack on you.

« like what? » lilia asked, confused.

you moved your hands from her shoulders to her hips.

« like fucking me against a tree on the damn witches road, lilia. »

she laughed and began to bite, lick and kiss your neck and the exposed part of your chest.

you pulled her into you and made your attempt to control the kiss, but you were quickly shut down and spun until your back was pressed against the bark.

you tangled your hands in lilia’s curls, pulling lightly to get her off of you.

« honey? are you alright? » she asked, immediately backing up to make sure you were okay.

you put your hands on the sides of her face and kissed her nose.

« i love you, but if you don’t touch me now i’m going to have to get someone else to help me. »

that was it. your body slammed into the tree, surely leaving marks that would bruise.

lilia dropped onto the ground in front of you and began to undo your belt.

« you want attention? you’re needy, just a slut for me. all we’ve done is kiss and you can’t go a few minutes without someone fucking you. »

your pants were around your ankles, belt thrown to the side, and panties ruined.

« you don’t need this, » lilia said, smiling at you as she ripped your button-up shirt off you.

« lilia, please, » you were panting as she ran the tips of her fingernails up and down your torso. « please, fuck me. »

she looped her thumbs through the sides of your panties and pulled them down, revealing the soaking mess between your legs.

her face darkened and her mouth went dry. lilia pulled one leg over her shoulder and placed her hand on your abdomen.

your hips bucked and a loud whine escaped you before you could stop yourself.

her eyes glared up at you as she pushed your leg off of her. she stood up again and used her knee to push your legs apart.

« you want me, doll? you’ve gotta be loud for me. make sure all those witches back there know who you belong to. »

she eased two fingers into your wet pussy, the noise obscene and only fueling the fire in you.

« oh, already so messy for me, » lilia murmured into your ear, thrusting and curling her fingers into you at a painfully slow pace.

you hooked your left leg around her, pulling her closer to you.

her movements stilled, drawing a loud groan of frustration from you.

« shh, it’s okay. you’ve got to be loud for me, angel. »

she set a fast pace, curling and scissoring her nimble fingers deep into you as you clutched her to you.

she had reduced you to a trembling, moaning mess.

your hips gently bucked into her hand, your whines growing louder.

« lilia! lilia, please. »

your begging drew positive reactions from lilia, with her pressing hard into the roughest part of you and stroking. your whines became a chorus of « oh! »´s and « please! »’s and « more! »´s.

her thumb moved over your clit, gently going from left to right, right to left.

you pressed your face into the curve of her neck, and she moved her head to whisper in your ear:

« you’re so good for me, doll. so good for me. you’re gonna cum for me? » her movements sped up, but remained steady.

all you could muster was a rushed « mhm » before you yelled out again, hurtling towards your orgasm.

lilia gently tugged on your hair, lifting your head up to look at her.

« whenever you’re ready, doll. gonna cum so pretty on my fingers, so loud for everyone to know who you belong to. »

you exploded, whining, shouting, whimpering, as lilia fucked you through your orgasm.

« yes, doll, let them hear. she won’t ever touch you again, she’ll know who’s you are, » she muttered, slowing down her movements and peppering your face with soft kisses.

she withdrew her fingers and lowered herself down, face inches away from your slick pussy.

« well, i don’t think it would be very nice of me to leave you like this, would it? » she exhaled, cool breath contrasting the heat between your legs.

she placed you leg over her shoulder for a second time and began to clean the soaked mess from your orgasm. her strokes were firm, but gentle enough that they didn’t overstimulate you.

once she was satisfied, she pulled your panties from around your ankles, slipping them off of you and pocketing them.

« souvenir, » lilia said and she began to dress you again, repairing your torn shirt to the best of her ability.

you took her face into your hands again, pulling her in for a soft kiss as you smiled against her.

she took your hand again, walking you back to your makeshift camp.

---

when you arrived back, you were shocked to find everyone staring at the two of you coming back from your brief adventure.

« why aren’t you all asleep? » you asked.

agatha snapped her fingers repeatedly.

« how the hell could we sleep? all we could hear were your awful sex noises, » she muttered disgustedly.

lilia smiled.

« good! »

she turned away and made her way over to rock she laid claim on when the coven first arrived, gesturing for you to join her.

you succumbed to sleep as soon as your head fell onto lilia’s shoulder, content with a blissful expression on your face.

[faebled-stories]

Kinkvember Is Over, and I’m a Mess (In the Best Way)

I don’t even know how to start this because I’m literally crying as I write 😭. Finishing Kinkvember feels so bittersweet because this was just supposed to be a fun writing challenge. But it became so much more.

When I started this month, I had 500 followers. That alone felt wild to me, like, how are there 500 people who care enough to follow this little corner of the internet? And now? I’m sitting here with 1,700+ followers and counting, and I honestly can’t wrap my head around it 🤯. The amount of love, support, and connection I’ve felt this past month has been overwhelming in the most beautiful way.

Every fic I posted got so much love—comments, reblogs, DMs, and just… everything. It’s insane. INSANE. You all made me feel seen, appreciated, and so motivated to keep pushing even when I was tired or doubting myself. Every time I logged on and saw your reactions, it felt like a warm hug 🤗, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that.

To my OGs who’ve been here since the beginning, thank you for sticking with me through this entire chaotic journey. You’ve been my rock 💪, hyping me up when I wasn’t sure if I could keep going. And to all of you who joined somewhere along the way, thank you for giving me a chance. You have no idea how much it means to me that you’d choose to spend even a small part of your day reading something I wrote.

This month wasn’t easy—balancing life, school, writing, and everything else was definitely a challenge—but every late night, every moment of doubt, every second I spent staring at my screen thinking, “Can I even pull this off?” was worth it. Because I got to share it with all of you.

And now that Kinkvember is officially over, I want to let you know that I have all your Q&A questions saved. I’ll be answering them in a couple of days, I promise! If anyone has any last-minute questions or things you want to say, my inbox is still wide open, so don’t be shy 💌.

This past month has been such an emotional, life-changing experience, and I’m so grateful for each and every one of you. Thank you for sticking with me, for cheering me on, for letting me be a part of your day, and for making this space feel like home ����.

I’m a mess, but I’m also so, so happy. Thank you for everything. You’ve made this girl’s heart so full .

That being said, I’ve decided to take a break now that Kinkvember is over. I honestly don’t know how long I’ll be gone—probably until the start of next year. I really need some time to recharge and step away for a bit after this whirlwind month, but I’ll definitely be back.

Love you all so so so much, Fae 💖💖💖💖💖

[sagesbard]

Actor au! My love 💟

Reader is a camera worker afab for the NSFW parts. Oh yeah NSFW MINORS DNI

Captain Curly 🎉

He met you on the first day of set. You were messing with a camera tripod that wasn't working properly. Muttering swears as you look at the metal contraption.

You were too busy trying to figure out the stupid camera to notice the man looking at you.

As shooting went on there was a day the director wasn't there. The producer stepped up, only issue was the producer was an asshole. It was a student film anyways.

As they shot a scene you realize one of the actors was going too far near the road during a flashback scene.

You automatically shot up behind the camera. Meanwhile the producer was too busy flirting with another person.

"Cut! Cut you dumbasses." You shout, setting down your headphones as you run from behind the camera. "Fucking stop Jim!" You yelled as Jimmy and Daisuke looked at you confused, stopping in their tracks.

"The fuck Y/N!?" The producer shouted once he realized what had happened.

"Are you fucking stupid!?" You yelled, finally snapping at the guy in front of you. "They were way too close to the fucking road you know cars just speed through here. You say as if on cue a car speeds past them.

"Yeah yeah, know your God damn place camera girl." The producer sneered. Curly then walked up.

"Calm down Daniel, she was just looking out for the crew, you obviously weren't." Curly said, defending his coworker.

"Watch it Grant, I can have your ass fired if I wanted to." Daniel said, crossing his arms as if he won.

"I'm sure Vivian would love to hear that you fired her only actor that knows what he's doing. No offense guys" Curly says. Turning towards his costars for a moment.

"none taken" Daisuke says. He took the job out of boredom. Jimmy took the job after you begged him for a week straight. And Swansea took it because Daisuke offered him up.

Curly volunteered for the job because he thought you were cute and wanted to spend more time with you.

Daniel scoffed and walked away. Muttering something about the two of you.

Curly laughed as the other man walked off.

Ever since then the two of you got closer.

After shooting wrapped up he asked you out.

Curly was nervous before your first date.

He took you out to a movie.

You ended up talking through a majority of it, ranting about the different shots and how they did the practical effects.

He loved listening to you the spark you had for film.

One date because two, then three, then before you two knew it he was asking you to move in with him.

Of course you said yes, you two got an apartment your last year of college.

NSFW

The first time you hooked up it was after the cast and crew party after wrap up.

The two of you were wasted and one thing led to another.

Even drunk he was still so sweet with you. He tasted like whiskey and citrus.

The way his hips moved against yours in a dance of fiery passion.

The morning after you expected him to be gone. But actually you woke up to the smell of coffee.

Curly leaned against the doorway, a mug in his hand as he greeted you. "Morning doll." He said, kissing your forehead.

That was when you realized that he was someone you wanted, no *needed* in your life.

Afterwards sex with him was always sweet.

A service top 100%

One day he needed to blow off steam and of course being the amazing girlfriend you are, you offered to help.

You couldn't walk the next day.

Daisuke🌺

Like I said he picked it up because he was bored.

He saw you fighting with the camera and fell in love.

The way you excitedly ranted about the inner workings of your favorite films.

He asked you out not too long during shooting.

He took you to an arcade.

He did his best to win you one of the crappy stuffed animals from the claw machine.

He spent all his tokens but on the last go he won you a little dog plushie. You still keep it on your bed to this day.

NSFW

A switch leaning towards bottom.

He's not normally submissive but he's inexperienced. So he wants you to be in control so you can feel good.

When he is top though hes a little rough with it. Panting and whining like a dog while he thrusts into you non stop.

Probably has a power play kink (I forgot what it was called) but you're the one that has most of the power.

Let him call you ma'am and he goes all night.

Same with you praising him.

Anya

She was originally in tech with you. She worked on lights until the original actress quit the project due to the producer being an asshole.

The director knew she'd do amazing at the role and set her up with an audition. Of course she knocked it out of the park.

You supported her from behind the scenes.

You were the one to ask her out.

You two went to the park and had a picnic.

Soon you two graduated from college and life went on. You moved in together and got a cat, Anya getting a job as a nurse and you working your way up to a director.

I can't really think of any NSFW ideas for Anya rn if anyone has any idea pls share :)

Jimmy.(He's not a rapist in this AU I don't condone any of his actions as a victim of SA and rape)

You had to convince him to audition.

You were friends since highschool and believe it or not he did theatre.

You saw the way he looked with the spotlight on his face, like it was his only home.

So when you were starting a new project you BEGGED him to audition.

He was hesitant, he hadn't acted in a while so he was a bit rusty.

He walked out of the audition room nervously.

By the time the cast list was out he ran up to you, excitedly holding the paper of acceptance as he hugged you tightly.

You two both carpooled there, sometimes you drove sometimes he drove. You always got coffee before even if y'all were late.

When he asked you out it was at the cast and crew after party.

He took you to an off-Broadway play. He wasn't a fan of musicals. He still has some song in his playlist though.

Afterwards you went on more dates then you two moved in together.

NSFW

He tries to be gentle he truly does.

But when he's in the moment he can't help but slam his hips against yours and bite a little too harshly.

He immediately apologizes after though and give THE BEST aftercare in the whole world.

He 100% whimpers when he's close.

He also goes kinda braindead when he cums. Mumbling stuff like "fuck I love you" or yes over and over again. You live for the desperation in his voice every time he's close.

Anyways guys- lmk how you feel about the actor au? I love it sm because there's little room for angst because it feels like everyone gets a happy ending 😁 also for the producer and the director I used a random name generator y'all can change it if u want <3

[sweetkpopmusings]

miserable (you & me) | s. changbin <3

a/n: i currently have a long weekend thanks to the thanksgiving holiday, so i'm in a bit of a writing frenzy. since i just posted some ateez fluff, i figured i should give into the stray kids angst demon again >:^) please enjoy a moment with changbin <3 pics not mine~

content: angst, happy ending | wc: 1.4k | warnings: none really! | pairing: changbin x gn!reader | requests:open

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

어떻게든 같이 걸어가려, I feel so tired but I can't give you up, my babe / “somehow try to walk with you / i feel so tired but i can’t give you up my babe”

changbin stared at some indiscernible object in the distance–or, rather, the direction opposite you–biding time until he absolutely had to respond to the information you just shared. sure, he was happy for you, but he couldn’t ignore the burning in the back of his throat as he tried to say encouraging words. the inner conflict was eating him alive, yet he felt he had no other choice than to be here and listen, like any good friend would. 

it wasn’t the first time he had been in this position. he ended up here, again and again, because he didn’t know how to get out of it. behind every i’m rooting for you and they’d be crazy not to say “yes” was an i can’t get you out of my head, you know? every time i look at you, i feel my whole self coming undone, only being put back together when you look at me begging to be said. but he couldn’t. changbin wished he could. he practically pleaded with himself each time he saw you to finally say something. changbin pretended it wasn’t his fear of you rejecting him that held him back. he swore that once he had figured out the right words, he would find the right moment, and then, once everything fell into place, he would bare his soul to you. changbin convinced himself he wasn’t a coward by reminding himself that someone as perfect as you deserved the perfect confession. even if it meant he spent years hiding and hurting. 

“changbin? did i lose you there?” the corners of your mouth upturned as you gently and playfully waved your hand in front of his face.

instinctively he smiled back, laughing a little despite the growing pang in his chest, “no, no, i’m right here.”

“good! because i haven’t gotten to the best part of the story yet,” you grinned before continuing to tell changbin all about the cute interaction shared between you and the coworker you were crushing on.

he couldn’t believe the beaming look in your eyes could hurt him so much. jealousy would do that though: make something so beautiful of yours hurt because he wasn’t the one igniting that beauty. that wouldn’t stop him from relishing in it though. your energy, your presence, it was always a gift, even if it broke his heart.

“so that’s when i figured, what the hell? i asked them out right then and there. they got flustered–it was so cute–and then they said ‘yes!’ we’re going out this saturday. can you help me pick out my outfit?”

changbin, who always turned to putty when he saw your puppy-dog eyes, let out a breathy laugh, “yeah, sure, i can help pick out the outfit that will get them to fall in love with you, just so they can break your heart in a few months like everyone else.”

changbin’s face filled with shock and regret before you could finish processing his words. it hurt you, but, judging by the slump in changbin’s shoulders, what he said hurt him even more.

“i’m so sorry for snapping, y/n, i–”

“no, it’s fine. i talk about them too much. i’m sure you’re tired of hearing me ramble on about all my crushes, especially when my dating life is so unlucky,” you forced a smile, aware that changbin saw right through you, as he always did, “i should probably go, so you don’t have to suffer through my rambling any longer.”

the way changbin looked at you kept you frozen in place. you wanted to turn and walk away before tears slipped down your cheeks, or, worse, before either of you said something that would hurt the other. but the way changbin watched you, the way his breath staggered, the way his eyes revealed he had no intention of every looking away from you…it all kept your feet firmly planted on the ground. 

changbin, knees weak and trembling, felt adrenaline coursing through his body. he stood in front of you, hands in his pockets, unsure if this was the moment to finally reach out to you. when he saw you break your gaze away from him to glance toward your route home, he knew, deep down, that it was now or never. he may have already ruined things by snapping. he figured it was better to ruin your friendship by showing you how much you were loved, rather than leaving you hurt with harsh words.

“y/n,” changbin took a deep breath when your eyes once again locked with his, “that was rude, and i hope you know that i never get annoyed by your rambling. i could hear you talk forever, even if it’s about someone you like, as long as that someone makes you happy. i just…it can be hard for me sometimes because…well…i like you. i have liked you for so long, but the timing never feels right, and everyone else seems to have the courage i don’t because you keep ending up with other people. if you’re happy, i’m happy. i guess i just can’t hide it anymore. i like you. i always will.”

changbin paused, eyes brimming with tears, and he mustered up a smile so you didn’t feel forced to comfort him, “i know you like them, your coworker. if your feelings for me aren’t the same, that’s fine. or, i mean, i at least can live with it, as long as you’re still my friend. i can’t give you up. if you need time away from me because of this, i understand. i hope this hasn’t made things too weird. i hope, more than anything, that we can still be friends. a life without you just doesn’t feel like the right life for me.”

you bit your lip, keeping yourself quiet until changbin finished. it was only fair to let him ramble after you had been talking his ear off all night. then, once you were sure he had said everything he meant to, you smiled. changbin, despite himself, let hope bloom in his chest when he saw the smile grow on your face.

“changbin,” you shook your head, laughing quietly in disbelief, “why didn’t you say something sooner? i like you more than everyone else.”

changbin’s eyes got so big you couldn’t do anything other than giggle. a few words from you, and he looked like he was over the moon.

“you…like me?”

“of course, changbin. are you free saturday? i just have to cancel some plans, but then i’m all yours.”i’m all yours turned changbin’s chest into a fireworks show, so, rather than answering you, he broke into a fit of giggles and wrapped you into his arms. he was, always and forever, all yours. he did not need any courage to tell you that, over and over and over again.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

[vanillarosekiss]

To the beautiful person who left me this anon ask:

hi ria! I know you normally write femreader as girly or with a more feminine energy. But wdyt of John Price whose s/o is self conscious because she’s not as girly as the ladies who undoubtedly always surround him and maybe have made her he can do better than her ((totally not projecting lolz))

i’m so sorry i accidentally deleted your ask, but luckily I managed to copy it before! I really hope this finds you angel..♡

warnings: self depreciation, afab!reader x John Price, this one’s actually kinda sad guys sorry (happy ending though, i promise!!).

John Price had always been the kind of man who carried himself with a quiet confidence, commanding respect in every room he walked into. It wasn’t just his rugged good looks or the way he carried the weight of his responsibilities with ease — it was his unwavering calm, the type of presence that made you feel like the world could crumble, but he’d hold it together for you. He’d do anything for you.

You didn’t feel like you belonged in his orbit. You didn’t even feel like you belonged in the same room.

Not when he could have his pick of anyone. And not when the effortlessly gorgeous women you saw at his work functions or in photographs seemed to orbit him naturally.

They didn’t mean to make you feel small of course, but sometimes, they didn’t need to. Backhanded comments like, “Oh, she’s not quite what I expected for John,” or those lingering glances they shared when they thought you weren’t looking, planted seeds of doubt that grew roots in your chest. It hurt you more than you liked to admit.

You weren’t as polished, as composed, as these women. It wasn’t that you didn’t try… no, you just didn’t feel like you when you did. Dresses made you feel exposed. Heels left your feet aching. Even makeup was a practice you rarely indulged in because it didn’t feel worth the time or effort considering the little time you actually spent out.

And yet, John had still chosen you.

You were sitting on the couch with your knees pulled up, thumbing through your phone absentmindedly when John walked in. His heavy boots on the hardwood floor were a sound you’d grown to love, a comfort of such.

“Alright, love?” he asked, his voice low.

You nodded quickly, plastering on a smile. “Yeah, fine.”

But John was too observant for his own good. He was extremely perceptive, his time in the force had made him a great reader of expressions. He tilted his head, scanning your face as he set his keys on the counter.

“Hmm,” he hummed, his tone laced with doubt.

You looked away, shrugging. “Just tired, s’all.”

“Not buying it.” He waited intently on your reply.

You hesitated. “It’s nothing, really.”

“Darlin’.” That single word was a command. You knew he was being serious.

You sighed, your voice wavering, threatening to crack despite your attempt to sound indifferent. “Do you ever… I dunno. Do you ever wish I were more like the women you’re surrounded by?”

His brow furrowed. “What women?”

“The ones at those events,” you muttered, gesturing vaguely. “They’re all so put together, and I’m-” You laughed bitterly. “Not.”

John leaned back slightly, his hand finding your thigh and gently resting there. He regarded you for a long moment, his eyes steady. “Who’s been telling you all this?”

“No one,” you said quickly. “I just… I feel like they’re right sometimes. You could do better than me.”

The silence that followed felt heavy, but not uncomfortable. John’s grip on your thigh tightened slightly before he pulled you into his side, wrapping his arm around your shoulders.

“Do you know why I chose you?” he asked quietly.

Your throat tightened painfully. “Because I was there?”

He let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head. “Because you’re real. Because you’re you. Because I don’t need anything like those women you were talking about, don’t want them, either.”

“But- ”

“No ‘buts’.” His tone was firm now, the kind that silenced any argument before it began. “I don’t care about anyone else. Those women you’re talkin’ about? All worthless, the lot of ‘em.”

You felt the unavoidable prick of tears in your eyes. “You really mean that?”

John turned slightly, tilting your chin up to meet his gaze. “You think I’d lie to you about something like that?” He kissed your lips gently, lingering there for a while.

“You’re enough for me, angel. More than enough.”

For the first time in what felt like months, you finally believed him.

I really hope this finds the right person. What a gorgeous request! Give me sweet John Price immediately. ˖⋆࿐໋

[rhiannonsknife]

https://www.tumblr.com/rhiannonsknife/768495780521787392/thinking-about-adult-shauna-she-is-so-crazy-i

TEEHEHEHEHEE okay >:)

maybe you meet her while you’re in college. one of callie’s friends or something. there’s no denying that shauna’s into you, even though she does her best to hide it. she still wants to hold onto some shred of dignity despite everything, and actively crushing on a girl half her age certainly wouldn’t be very dignifying. but it’s not as if you’re not into her.

i don’t think she’d make a move unless she was sure it was what you wanted, so you’d have to be the one to initiate. maybe you’re a little tipsy one night, just enough to have the courage to hit on your friend’s mother. leaning in close to her, close enough that you can smell her floral perfume. giving her little touches that suggest you’re being a little more than just friendly.

i don’t think she’d believe you at first either. maybe she thinks you’re messing with her, maybe you lost a bet. because why would somebody as young as you be into someone her age? it messes with her head. it’s not as if she’s unattractive, but she knows that the wear and tear that comes with ageing might put some people off… especially with all the little comments she’s had to put up with from jeff over the years. it’s been a while since she’s felt wanted.

that all changes when she gets to know you. i think she’d want to keep things casual at first. exclusively sexual. at least that way she can pretend to herself that she’s still devoted to jeff; she still comes home to him when it would so, so easy to stay with you instead. you don’t mind either… it would be nice to have her stay the night, but you understand that she has commitments. she can’t just drop everything for you. it’s complicated, but you’re glad that she finds it in her busy life to make time for you.

i personally think she’d use sex as a way to relieve stress. intimacy with her husband is long gone, so it’s refreshing for her when she gets to be intimate with someone new. she’s usually rough with you, getting out all of her anger and frustration. i think she’d love to overstim you, loves the feeling of power she gets when you’re on your fourth orgasm and begging her to slow down. choking on your whines as she slams her strap into you over and over and over. she’d force you to take it until she’s satisfied, until all of her frustration is gone. the aftercare would be worth it though, and it’s not as if you’re not into it 😇 and you know she’d stop immediately if it ever actually got too much for you. she just likes to push you to your limits.

receiving gentle treatment during sex would be a rarity, something you only get on special occasions. but whenever she does decide to take it slow, you swear you can see a more loving side to her. a want for a different life if she wasn’t already so tied down by her current one. she’s normally rushing things, tossing you around and filling you up at the speed of light as she tells you how much she needed this, but on these special occasions she takes it slow. spends forever kissing all over your body, practically worshipping you as she gives soft murmurs of praise. really takes the time to cherish you and this moment :(

shauna shipman… more like shauna STRAPman, amiright? ugh i NEED her !!!!

- 🦔

saw the words ‘adult shauna’ and dropped everything to write this down you don’t understanddddd. anyway…nsfw content. mdni.

it all started when you and callie met in your first year of college. after bonding over bad cafeteria food, late-night study sessions, and a general lack of sleep, you quickly became close friends. -a friendship that only solidified over the years.

you’d spent countless weekends at her house, getting to know her family. her dad, jeff, was nice enough but often seemed more focused on work than his family. her mom, shauna, on the other hand, was…different.

shauna shipman wasn’t the warm, doting mother you’d imagined, at all. and yet, there was always something unspoken between the two of you: a tension you could never quite place. it wasn’t exactly obvious, just a lingering glance here, a charged silence there. it felt ridiculous to think it was more than some strange undercurrent. shauna was your friend's mother, older than you by quite a few years, and married to jeff, after all. still, it was impossible to ignore the way her gaze would linger a moment too long when she thought no one was looking, or the way her voice softened whenever she spoke to you.

you told yourself it was a harmless crush that would fade eventually. it didn’t. instead, it only grew as weeks turned into months. the way she looked at you sometimes made you wonder if she felt it too. but shauna was nothing if not composed. if she did notice, she never let it show. not directly, at least.

for her part, she was conflicted, to say the least. she couldn’t deny that there was something about you: your energy, your warmth, the way you looked at her like she was still worth noticing. it unnerved her how often you crossed her mind after you left, or how she’d find herself lingering in conversations with you just a little too long. for callie’s sake she told herself it was ridiculous, inappropriate, and absolutely out of the question.

then came the party.

it was the first of many occasions where those lines would blur.

you had been drinking, as had shauna, but not quite the same amount. she wasn’t the type to let loose easily, especially around her daughter and friends. but when the alcohol hit your system just right, you found yourself inching closer to her. you weren’t subtle that night. not anymore.

it started with small things: standing closer to her than you needed to, finding excuses to touch her arm when you laughed, and letting your eyes wander in a way that made your intentions clear. she noticed, of course. how could she not? by the time you found yourselves alone in the quiet corner of the house, away from the noise and laughter, you were both tipsy enough to let your guards down.

“you’re awfully charming tonight,” she said at one point, her tone teasing but her eyes cautiously searching yours over the rim of her wine glass.

“maybe i’m just trying to impress someone,” you replied, your voice low enough that only she would hear. it was the most forward you'd ever been and the point where shauna could've let you down. yet, instead of pulling away, she stayed and the tension between you grew thicker.

“you’re drunk,” shauna said matter-of-factly, but her voice lacked the force she probably intended. “are you messing with me? is this a joke?”

“you really think i’d joke about this?”

“tell me i’m wrong,” she murmured, voice barely above a whisper. “tell me this isn’t what you want” truthfully, she simply didn’t know what to do with your attention. she’d never had it before. not like this. the comments she’d heard over the years, the way jeff had subtly pointed out her age, her appearance, those all haunted her. and then there was you, someone half her age, looking at her like she was the only person in the room.

you didn’t answer her right away, still fighting the part that insisted this was a mistake, that it couldn’t lead anywhere good. eventually, you did reach out, if only just briefly.

she didn’t say anything, just leaned into your touch, her lips brushing yours in a way that felt reckless and inevitable all at once. after that, the rest of the night blurred together; every kiss, every whisper, all of it spilling over from the tension that had been building for way too long.

now, back to what 🦔 anon was saying…because everything about is so!!!!

'she can’t just drop everything for you. it’s complicated, but you’re glad that she finds it in her busy life to make time for you'

after every single time you get to spend with her, comes the moment where she has to sneak off. as much as a part of her hates the secrecy, she loves how it makes her feel young again.“don’t get caught,” you’ll whisper teasingly as she slips her shoes back on by the door, her hair still a mess from your hands. shauna glances over her shoulder. “i‘m always careful” your laughter from the bed is soft, muffled where your face is smudged against the pillow, and shauna finds herself laughing too, despite herself. she shouldn’t enjoy this as much as she does, but sneaking out the back door to see you feels like reclaiming something she lost long ago. there’s something special about that; it’s in the way you make her feel like she can still be desirable. like she can be wanted. it’s in the way she’ll slip under the covers to jeff later that night, with a rare smile on her face now that she’s spent the night with somebody who actually appreciated her presence.

‘she'd use sex as a way to relieve stress. intimacy with her husband is long gone, so it's refreshing for her when she gets to be intimate with someone new’

you quickly find out that shauna loves to use you as an outlet for all her pent-up stress and anger. you’re her very own, personal stress relief and you know your place when she needs someone to let it out on. she loves to have you at her mercy -even more than you ever dared to imagine. preferably on all fours, her front pressed against your bare back and three fingers knuckle deep inside of you as she talks you through it. even with your face pressed into the pillows, you can’t stifle all the noises she draws from your lips, all while whispering words of “that’s it” and “you like that?”, with her mouth right by your ear.

‘i think she'd love to overstim you, loves the feeling of power she gets when you're on your fourth orgasm and begging her to slow down‘

shauna and you both know one use of the safe word would be enough for her to drop all that she’s been doing. that she would immediately make sure that you’re okay, clean you up, and hold you until you’ve recovered. most of the time, that’s not what you want though. what you want -need, really- is for shauna to have her way with you. for her to fuck the strap so deep into you, you’ll feel it there for the next weeks whilst you reach the fourth height of the night. “please” you sob into the mattress, unable to string together coherent sentences anymore. that ability left you after the third orgasm. your palm slams against the sheets that you’ve practically drooled all over as she pushes it in deeper. “shauna, fuck-“ you manage and try to lift your head up to glance at her over your shoulder. “slow down, please!” if you really wanted her to slow down, you’d use your proper words, you know that. shauna does too; “shut up” she hisses as her hand grabs a fist full of your hair and she pushes you back into the pillow. “shut up and take it”

‘whenever she does decide to take it slow, you swear you can see a more loving side to her’

it’s a rare occasion but when shauna does take things slow with you, it’s heavenly. you’re so used to having to rush things, to quick and hard fucks, stifled moans, and hushed words, that you’ve never really considered the soft side of her. turns out that, when you have the time, shauna will worship every inch of your skin she can put her mouth to. you love it when she’s rough with you, of course, when she forces your legs apart and herself into you. but there’s something so different about having her full attention, about feeling her attentive eyes on you as she puts her mouth to your throbbing pussy and studies every single reaction she can get from you whilst she whispers words of praise right against you. but ALSO sensual strap on sex….?? the few times where she gets to actually undress you properly instead of just shoving your panties aside and stuffing you full are unlike anything you’ve ever known: her arms on either side of your head, the full length of her body pressed onto yours, the shuddered breath she exhales into your mouth as she finally sinks into you, as if she could actually feel you fluttering around the silicone shaft…you reach around her then, when she stars rolling her hips and begins fucking you, and your nails scratch down her spine as shauna fills you up while kissing your neck.

[dreamwatch]

Part 1 Part 3 AO3

Written for the @corrodedcoffinfest Black Friday pop-up event.

Prompts: Black, Friday, "I'm not standing in line for that", Leftovers, Trampled, One Day Only, "I am giving thanks."

Yeah... all of them, and you're right, it was a stupid idea.

Word Count: Pt2 - 3670 | Rating: M | CW: Past suicidal ideation (very subtle, blink and you'll miss, I'm just being cautious) | POV: Mixed - Pt1 Eddie, Pt2 Steve, Pt3 Eddie | Pairing: Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson | Tags: Eddie Munson, Steve Harrington, Gareth CC, Jeff CC, Matt CC, Wayne Munson, disabled Eddie Munson, pining, protective Gareth, protective Steve, kissing, guitars, reference to canon typical injuries, references to blood and injury- please let me know if you think I've missed any.

I'm posting in 3 parts, because this is nearly 12k in total, which is a lot. Mods - hope that's ok! I'll link them all together. :)

Part 2

Steve’s learned a lot about himself this past year.

He’s a good friend, for one, an excellent wing man, even if Robin continues to do her best to get in her own way. 

He’s painfully patient with Dustin and the rest of the little assholes that have literally haunted his every waking moment for the last three years. He loves them, and they know it and they abuse that love on a near daily basis. Sadly, he wouldn’t change them for the world.

He doesn’t love Nancy anymore. He doesn’t want to think on that too much.

He’s done with dating. He’s done with the peacocking that comes with it, the effort of it when the person you’re with is just… okay. Nice enough. Inoffensive. He’s at that point in his life where he just needs something real, someone real, someone full of life, who makes him laugh, who wants to share everything with him. He’s done with quick fucks, the empty feeling of grabbing your clothes and sneaking out of bedrooms, of trying to get your pants on in the back of the bimmer. He wants love, and he’s not afraid to go after it now.

Oh, yeah, and he likes guys.

That’s probably not that much of a revelation, to him at least, Robin had been more intense about it.

“Now you tell me? Not when I was covered in piss and puke on the floor of a public bathroom, Steve, when I was sharing my deepest secrets with you, you tell me now, months later, you’ve had literally months, and it’s at this point in time, randomly while I am trying to re-shelve a weekend’s worth of returns, that you choose to drop this bombshell, this life changing moment, that you’ve been carrying around with you for, how long?”

“A few months.”

“A few months. A few months, he says like it’s no big deal. What is wrong with you?”

What was wrong with him was Eddie Munson. He’s still kind of getting his head around it all to be honest.

The guy thing was there for years, a low level thrum of attraction, of slightly too long looks, of grab-assing and horseplay in locker rooms and showers. Easy to pass off as nothing because they were all doing it, to one degree or another. Some, like Tommy Hagan, were less than subtle about it. 

But the Eddie thing hit him like a bolt of lightning. Never saw it coming. One minute he’s a suspected murderer holding a broken bottle against Steve’s throat and the next Steve’s holding his hand while he’s cuffed to a hospital bed scared out of his mind. 

There’s something to be said for seeing someone at their worst, there’s a pride from watching them climb back and knowing you had a part in that, being able to pat yourself on the back for it. But this isn’t the shared trauma that Robin talks of. This is pretty brown eyes and long lashes, this is dimples you want to sink your fingers into. This is hair you want to touch and hands you want to hold, and lips you want to kiss. 

He’s spent so much time with Eddie over the last seven or eight months, and it’s snowballed; as the months roll on, the number of days they spend together has increased. At first it was to be helpful, for as much as the pair of them loved each other there was no way Eddie would feel comfortable with Dustin taking him to and from the bathroom to take a piss, or to hold his hair back when he puked, or to help him get dressed, or a multitude of other easy things that just became hard for him over night. 

Steve could do those things for him. He wanted to do those things for him.

Eddie has other friends, sure, but Steve was there. He still has nights where all he can see imprinted on the back of his eyelids is Eddie’s corpse, can smell the penny scent of blood. His fingers twitch when he remembers how Eddie’s skin felt slippery, the sudden release of his chest as a rib breaks. 

Those are things Eddie’s friends can’t know, and Steve is happy for them. He truly wishes he didn’t know, either.

They know things Steve doesn’t, however, and he needs their help.

Say what you want about Steve, but when he wants something he goes all out.

So dinner didn’t go well, but there’s not much he can do about that now. But just being there and seeing Eddie’s obvious pleasure at the effort at least did something to lift his spirits. And they had a nice evening, watching TV and talking late into the night until Eddie started to fall asleep on the couch and Steve took that as his cue to say goodnight, as much as he wanted to stay.

He nearly fucked up when he asked if Eddie wanted to hang with him and Robin for the day. He was like, ninety seven per cent sure Eddie would say no, the guy barely leaves the house these days, but just for a second he looked as if he was going to say yes. And that would have put a real crimp on Steve’s plans, because they had nothing to do with ferrying Robin around on a joy ride, and everything to do with Eddie.

He wakes early the day after Thanksgiving, despite the late night, which is not unusual for him; he still runs most days, he enjoys the feel of it, running through choice rather than because he’s trying to stay alive. It’s a decision he gets to make for himself, something he can own, and there hasn’t been an awful lot of that over the last few years.

But today he has a mission, and it starts with Dustin.

When he rolls up to the Henderson house it’s barely eight A.M., and there’s a good chance Dustin will still be in bed. So he does what the little shit heads would do. He bangs on Dustin’s bedroom window.

He peers through just in time to see a bundle of blankets tumble to the floor, Dustin smack in the middle of them. Dustin squints back at him before opening the window.

“Jesus Christ, Steve, what the fuck?”

“Your language is shocking, you know that? Is that Eddie? I need to keep you two apart, seriously.”

“I think my language it perfectly reasonable given it’s a holiday and it’s—“ he glances at his watch, “eight! Jesus—“

“—Christ, yeah, yeah I got it. I need help. Where does Gareth live?”

Dustin frowns at him, bleary eyed.

“Why do you want to know?”

“Uh, how about none of your business?” 

“Uh, okay, how about I’m going back to bed now?”

Dustin moves to close the window, Steve reaching to stop him.

“Alright, alright. Jesus,” and for a second Steve thinks he might know where that language is actually coming from. “I’m running an errand for Eddie.”

“What kind of errand?”

This fucking kid.

“The private kind.”

“Why didn’t Eddie give you his address then?”

So, Steve’s tenacious, but maybe he doesn’t always think things through completely.

“Look, I’m trying to do something nice for Eddie, okay? The surprise type of nice, and no offence, but you’re just not that great at keeping your mouth shut.”

Dustin nearly chokes on his indignation. Steve just raises an eyebrow in challenge. The kid hasn’t got a leg to stand on, and he knows it.

“Fine!” Dustin huffs, then wanders into his room to find a pen and some paper. He’s back a second later, thrusting the yellow note paper at Steve.

“Thank you. Now was that so hard?”

Dustin flips him the bird in response.

“Okay, go back to bed you little shit. Call you tomorrow.”

“Make sure you do.”

And with that the window slams shut and Steve can’t help the fond smile as the curtains close.

As it turns out, Gareth doesn’t live all that far from the Hendersons. There’s something off about turning up outside someone’s house that early in the morning when you don’t really know them, and he can’t imagine Gareth is going to appreciate a knock on the door from him at anytime of the day honestly, so he sits in his car a few spots further up the street. He should have got a coffee and a donut, go the full Chief Hopper route.

Steve waits patiently for a little action inside the house, trying to gauge if people are up, had their breakfast, that kind of thing, when there’s a rumble from the opposite end of the street. He checks his rear view mirror and watches as a blue AMC Pacer struggles to climb the hill. He knows that car from the the Hawkins High parking lot, though it usually has music blaring from it. This morning it seems to be respectfully peaceful. He doesn’t get a chance to ponder it much further. It parks up outside Gareth’s place and Jeff climbs out, Matt pouring out behind him. 

Steve waits patiently for them to go in the house, door opened by a bleary eyed Gareth with a nest for hair and blue check boxers fully on display. It takes twenty minutes for them to leave, this time everyone looking a little more awake. He pulls his keys from the ignition and opens the door.

“Hey.”

The three of them turn to face him all at once, glaring at him once they recognise him.

“Can we help you?” asks Gareth with a sneer. 

Steve’s well aware these guys don’t like him, though he has no fucking clue why other than ‘you jock, me nerd’ which is total bullshit. He’s had a lot to work through this last few years, and part of that has been to stop apologising for who he was. Because firstly, he wasn’t that bad. A low key douche, but he wasn’t mean with it (Jonathan Byers being the exception, and he has apologised profusely). So you know, fuck these guys, honestly. 

However, he also kind of needs them today.

“Uh, Henderson mentioned you were headed into Indy today? Shopping?”

“What’s it to you?” asks Matt.

“I need a favour. I have a— cousin? My cousin, yeah, so he’s staying with me at the moment and the guy’s had a tough year and I want to like, get him something nice, but I have no idea what.”

Jeff shakes his head. “We’re not personal shoppers, dude, how the fuck—”

“He’s one of you. He’s like a—” Steve gestures broadly at them, “Like, a metalhead, you know. And he plays guitar.”

“Oh my God,” laughs Matt, “There’s a cool Harrington? This is I have to see.”

And he and Jeff yuck it up, but Gareth isn’t. Gareth is looking at him, really looking and Steve thinks this was a fucking mistake. He feels a little naked out on this street, his insides on the outsides for this one person to scrutinise. 

“Yeah, okay,” says Gareth, eventually. “So what do you want from us?”

He pulls a crumpled up page from the back pocket of his jeans. “This guitar store is having a sale, one day only. Store opens at ten, but like, I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Matt grabs the paper from him. “Holy shit, you want to buy him a guitar? Can I be your cousin?”

“He— uh, lost his. And like, it was a big deal to him, you know? I can’t stretch to much, but I thought, maybe with the sale…” He shrugs.

While Jeff and Matt look at the ad, Gareth doesn’t take his eyes off him.

“Why didn’t you ask Eddie?”

It makes the other two pause and makes a little piece of Steve’s stomach drop.

“I was going to but, uh, he mentioned he was staying home. And you know, you guys know just as much about this shit as he does.”

He’s not above a bit of flattery to get what he wants.

“I need new strings, actually,” says Matt, staring at the crumpled paper.

“Shit, theres like fifty per cent off some of this stuff,” Jeff says, snatching the ad. “Time to get a new pedal.”

Gareth continues to try and bore holes through him with his eyes, so he decides to up the ante, offers to drive so they don’t all have to pile into Matt’s piece of shit Pacer, and he’ll buy them lunch, and sure, he’ll take them wherever they want to go in the city, and he’s starting to regret this, until Gareth says the magic word:

“Sure.”

It’s laced with suspicion and confusion, but fuck it, Steve will take it. He only needs them for a few hours.

The drive is uneventful. Jeff and Matt share college stories, telling Gareth about the parties they’re going to, the clubs they’ve joined, and in Matt’s case the pussy he’s getting. Steve nearly chokes on a Twizzler.

“Dude? ‘Pussy’? Really?”

“What? Since when have you been so puritanical? I can’t help it if the ladies flock to me.”

 He’s desperately trying to not upset this particular apple cart, but Jesus they don’t make it easy.

Matt reaches through the back seats, looking to change radio stations, until Gareth slaps his hand and tells him to sit the fuck down.

“What about you, Harrington?” asks Matt.

Steve shoots him a look in the rearview mirror. “What about me?”

“Got any college plans?”

They have to know he doesn’t, and his skin itches with annoyance. He’s trying to be really nice for lot’s of reasons; right now because he needs them, but also their Eddie’s friends, Dustin and Mike and Lucas’s friends as well come to think of it. Jeff and Matt might not be around, but Gareth very much is. They weren’t around much to begin with, and Steve didn’t ask about that, not really his place and he kind of had bigger problems at the time, what with two friends in the hospital, El in hiding from the army and half the town crumbled to ash. But things seem to be better between them all now; Eddie has letters from them in a sweet little box he made on his desk, and a pennant from Loyola on his wall. Gareth comes over a couple of times a week to hang out with him. So it’s all on the up. But they still piss Steve off, and he’s entitled to that.

“Nope, just living the dream at Family Video.”

It’s a conversation killer, and he’s just pissed off enough not to care. Instead he cranks up the radio, Peter Cetera crooning The Glory of Love blasts from the speakers, though not loud enough to cover the groaning and Matt pretending to be sick.

They make it to Indy just before ten A.M. The store is much bigger than he expected. It also has a queue snaking down the block.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Gareth smirks at him. “It’s a black Friday sale, man. Fifty percent off this stuff is no joke. You thought you could just wander in like it’s a fricking Kroger? Jesus.”

“I want my pedal,” says Jeff as he wanders to the back of the queue.

Matt shakes his head. “Well, I’m not waiting in line for that.” He stuffs his hands in his pockets and makes to cross the street. “I’m going to Tower. I’ll meet you back at the King-mobile in an hour. Enjoy getting trampled!”

“King-mobile?” Steve mutters under his breath. “Asshole can walk home.”

He spends an awkward thirty minutes in line, listening to Jeff and Gareth arguing about music and games and a load of other shit Steve doesn’t know anything about, before Jeff tries to include him in the conversation, seemingly to Gareth’s annoyance. Eventually they’re in, and goddamn there are a lot of guitars; floor to ceiling, brand after brand, every colour and finish you can imagine. It’s oddly exciting, despite the fact he can’t play and has no idea what any of this stuff is. He gets a flash of the odd price ticket and his heart sinks. He’s not short of money, sure, but some of these would make an impressive hole in his savings account.

Jeff and Gareth desert him almost immediately, off playing with the toys, so Steve wanders through the store on his own, knocking shoulders occasionally with actual musicians trying out guitars. There’s a hum of activity, snippets of solos and songs he mostly doesn’t recognise filling the space around them. He’s out of his depth, but all the assistants are busy, and he hasn’t got a clue what he’s asking for anyway. So he does laps around the store looking at each guitar trying to size it up.

He stops when he gets to a rainbow wall of B.C. Rich guitars. He knows which one is Eddie’s, a red and black Warlock that was lost to the netherworld when Eddie’s trailer fell into the the void. They don’t have the same one, and his heart sinks a little until he spots a glossy black version He reaches out tentatively.

“Not that one.”

Steve spins, and comes face to face with Gareth. 

“What?”

Gareth looks conflicted, looks around as if he thinks he’s going to be overheard. The hustle and bustle of shoppers continues, the solos and music continue to cycle from song to song. 

“Not the Warlock.”

Steve finds himself mirroring Gareth, eyes fluttering around the store, falling on Jeff as he tries out a pedal.

“I don’t—”

“I don’t know what he went through back in March, but I know it was bad enough for him to sell his guitar. So—”

“Wait,” Steve starts, raising his hand. “He sold it? I thought he lost it in the earthquake?”

Gareth shakes his head. “I was with him, dude. He was so desperate to offload it he let it go for a hundred bucks. So if you’re looking to get him a new one, which I think is a bad idea by the way, then maybe don’t replace the one he just got rid of with the exact same model. I’m guessing there was a reason he didn’t want it anymore.”

“Why are we talking about Eddie? I told you, this is for my—”

“—you’re cousin, right. Well, my advice is don’t buy your cousin a Warlock. He won’t thank you for it.”

And with that he slinks off into the store, joining up with Jeff as he tests out a pedal, leaving Steve standing in front of a wall of guitars with no fucking clue what he’s doing, and feeling horribly seen in a way he doesn’t have the fortitude to unravel in the middle of a guitar store in Indianapolis. 

He goes back to the car, radio playing Duran Duran while he can enjoy it before the three ungrateful shit heads pile in and abuse his good will by mocking literally everything about him. Eddie getting rid of the guitar makes no sense to him, but the more he thinks the more it dawns on him that he’s never heard Eddie play. Like, not ever. Even without the BC Rich there are two other guitars in his room, and Steve has spent a lot of time with Eddie over the last few months, and he’s never touched them once that he knows of. It doesn’t make any sense.

Except… his left hand shakes. A lot. And he rarely uses a knife, just uses a fork in his right hand, which Steve only notices because he notices everything about Eddie. Or he thought he had. He missed the biggest part of him. Eddie lost his music and Steve didn’t even notice. 

Jeff and Gareth are back at the car on time, Matt only twenty minutes late, a record according to Jeff. True to his word Steve takes them to lunch, a diner called Sandy’s they all seem overly excited about. They’re talking among themselves and he finds himself content to listen as they talk about things they got up to with Eddie. Hearing about his escapades from before, back when Eddie was still just the school freak and high school super super senior, makes his chest ache. He wants to know that Eddie, wishes he’d had a chance to meet him and hang out before all the Upside Down crap stole their youth from them. But it hits him all at once that he could have had that, if his head hadn’t been stuck so far up Tommy Hagan’s ass. 

He bites into his hot dog and keeps it to himself.

It’s late afternoon when they get back to Hawkins, and he drops everyone back at Gareth’s where they started this monumental waste of a day. Jeff and Matt thank him as they get out of the car, but Gareth hesitates before putting his hand on the door handle. 

“Blue,” Gareth says, like he doesn’t want to, like Steve grabbed him by the throat and threatened him for it. “He likes blue. He doesn’t tell anyone, says it’s not metal.”

“Uh, okay…” 

“And he gets the chilli dog, with extra onions at Sandy’s. With the cheese fries. And a large peanut butter malt. That’s his order.”

And like, what the fuck? Steve’s head spins with it, with the fact that Gareth knows something, he has seen something in Steve, and just how far does that go? How transparent is he that this kid who he barely knows has managed to just lift the lid on him and take out all his hidden parts? 

“People haven’t been good to him. He likes you for some reason, so just, don’t fuck him up. That’s all I’m asking, man.”

And with that he gets out of the car, leaving Steve in a whirlwind of panic, and with problems still unsolved.

He needs to talk to Wayne.

[everygayhere]

LOST IT

hey guys so... sorry about not posting much these days or these couple of months but i have a new story you guys might like.... as for the other on i have i've written a few pages of it. it's just not good right now so i need to fix them who know it might get posted after this chapter of the new story.

summary: Jenna and y/n meet while on set of Wednesday season two, from being strangers to friends to lovers. Taking a look into the past lives between the two of them. Y/N going through the turmoil of being in her present life and looking back on her past. will her future change or will it remain the same?

CHAPTER 1

The cold pelted against you as you stood out in the rain, chest beating, breath ragged. Slowly soaking hunched over feeling your tears run down your face. The only thought running through your brain was that she was happy, finally happy. Trying to ease your mind of the gut wrenching feeling of losing the love of your life. You stood in the open, vulnerable not paying attention to those who looked towards you or the feeling of pity stares.

Instead you focused on all the memories you two shared. All the love, the secret looks, the long night hangouts, the laughs shared, the inside jokes, the warmth of each other's bodies, the holidays spent together, being introduced to her family, birthdays, set days and just everything you experienced together. Collapsing to the ground, broken, feeling it inside and out. You lost it. Not far from the reason as to why you felt like this. You lost it. Everything that was bottled up hidden by a smiling face and happy persona. You lost it. 10 feet from people talking together, smiling a real smile, laughing with genuine happiness. YOU. LOST. IT. 

It didn’t take long for those who were already looking to stop talking and facing you fully, but still you didn’t notice. You sat there continuing to lose it in your wet shirt, buttons undone, jacket off soaked clothes, on the ground. Those thoughts of trying to reassure yourself soon changed to degrading everything you’ve done from the moment you started breathing. Why couldn’t I just be normal? What is wrong with me? I’m an idiot a dumb stupid idiot. I deserve to feel like this, nothing in my life has gone the way I wanted it to.  You couldn’t stop the spiral finally breaking free. Here you were feeling this pain that you thought was impossible. 

Standing in the cold you looked up from where you were back at the event. No one was looking back at you, no one who was there was noticing your presents. How could they, you weren’t really there, no you were 6ft under in a cemetery with your headstone covered in dried leaves and dirt. No one you shared those memories with noticed you. The only ones looking at you were the ones living in the same place you living in, the inbetween. Cursed to roam the world until they felt like leaving and if they didn’t in time they would be cursed to stay forever. You knew this, they knew this. It was ironic really that it happened to you. You just couldn’t leave her, not when she was sad, not when she needed you still. Even when she didn’t need you at one point you couldn’t leave your time was up. 

Here you were losing it having flashbacks of your past life the day you died it was coming back to you and you didn’t know what to do. You thought you had come to the relaxation you couldn’t change anything that life was life and yet here you are years later crying breaking down. Losing any relative thinking because the love of your life was getting married to someone else 10 feet away. If only five years ago from today things turned out different you would be standing there saying your vows and crying from the happiest you felt standing and watching the love of your life walk down the aisle. 

10 years ago

You had just gotten the biggest role of your life, you were finally going to make something of yourself. The feeling was amazing to be called by your manager saying you got the role. Was different after constant rejection, you had finally landed something. The best part was that it was with none other than Tim Burton himself.  You love all of his films. Since it was indeed the best call you could ever receive you decided to go out for a drive and get yourself an Ice cream. The night was so nice even though it was running and pouring down you thought this was the best drive you have ever had. 

The next day you were called for an online meeting since you didn’t live in LA or The United states in general. The meeting was so that they could cover the character you’ll be playing and the time you need to fly out to set and where you’ll be staying. So with slight nerves you got everything set up ready for your meeting. After 30 minutes you joined the meeting. 

“Ah Y/N thank you for joining the meeting on time. I hope it’s not too much of a time difference.”   The bright pixels showed Tim’s face as he spoke to you.

“Oh no not at all Tim. Thank you for the role.” you replied nervously. With a small smile.

“great , while let’s get right into huh? So let’s start with the character you’ll be playing. You’ll be a child of the afterlife really so that goes for death, god, the devil all in one. The concept is that you were crafted to create a stable life for those in the mortal world. You’ll be immortal and an adopted child, cousin’s with Ajax. you’re arriving late because you were needed in an undisclosed place before coming to Nevermore. You’ll have a few different abilities such as teleporting, strength, hypnotism, shapeshifting and going in and out of the realm of the dead as you please. It’ll be different from the one in beetle juice, you’ll have a dark obese with three doors for each realm, hell, heaven and of course the in between. Any questions on that?”

Tim looks at you waiting for an answer.

“Will my character have any weaknesses for them to be able to die?” you asked.

“Yes in fact they will be a weapon of some sort but you don’t need to worry about that as of now.” tim replied 

“Okay well that’s all I really have about the character.”

“Okay so let’s get into the arrangement of flights and where you’ll be living. So we’ll be filming in Europe, probably in Ireland and you’ll be living in the apartment complex with the other actors. The flight’s will be sent to you so you know the times of when to leave and be able to get here. Also set hours will be sorted when you get here since we still need to get measurements for your costumes. As well as introductions  with everyone else. Other than that… oh yeah your script will be sent to you online to read through and then you’ll have your real copy when you get here.” Tim says looking back at you 

“That sounds great. I'll make sure to read through all of it and get ready for everything.” you replied. 

“Perfect talk soon.” Tim says before ending the meeting. 

You were left sitting in your living room of the apartment you shared with your roommates. No one in your apartment knows about this so you’re happy that they were all gone off to work or at Uni to not be at home to listen to your meeting. Looking at all the emails that were sent to you for the set and where you’ll be going. You planned what you needed to do for the next few weeks before leaving. 

You sat at the living room with all the rest of your roommates staring at you confused on why you called a meeting. “So I won’t be living here for a while or maybe ever again so I have my share of the cost of the apartment in this envelope for 2 months and that should cover the whole time I'm still here before I leave. I just wanted to let you guys know so you can start looking for a new roommate.” you sat there smiling at all of them placing the envelope on the coffee table. 

“Wait so you’re leaving in 2 months? Why?” Abby, one of your friends asked, looking at you weirdly. 

“I swear if it’s you trying to U-haul yourself into another girl's apartment just think about it a bit more because you know what happened last time.” your friend Fred said, looking at you with concern. 

“Oh please don’t, look we know you're a hopeless romantic but the last time you tried it with your girlfriend Erica it didn’t go too well. I Mean you guys broke up after moving in for a week and you're lucky that when you came back the room was free and not only that but when you moved back in you wouldn’t stop listening to sad songs and crying for 3 months.”  Jess explained, freaking out. Jess was always looking out for you and making sure you were okay. She was like your mum. 

“Okay, first of all, yes I am leaving in 2 months. Secondly, I can’t say why it’s my secret.. Thirdly, I'm not u-hauling. Okay, I learned my lesson after the 5th time… Fourth, it’s nothing to do with me having a girlfriend. I don't even have one. You guys know that I've been single for 2 years now.” 

“Okay so why are you leaving? Did you find a better place without us? Are you getting sick of us right now cause look we don’t even barge in your room all the time… anymore. Okay look we’ll stop for real give you all the privacy in the world.”  Jess said, sitting in front of you holding your hands. 

“No it’s not that either okay. I don’t care that you come into my room unannounced… at least not anymore.” you responded whispering that last part. 

“Then what is it? If you don’t have a good enough explanation then we won’t let you leave.” Abby said, crossing her arms and staring down at you. She was easily angered when it came to not answering her questions or just ignoring her in general. 

“Okay first of all what do you not get by it’s my secret and secondly you can’t do that i’m pretty sure against the law.” Y/n said looking at her scared. 

“Well tell us and Abby won’t lock you away in your room tied to your bed.” Fred sat sipping his drink well looking at you. 

“Huh.. okay but i’m not telling you everything and you need to not tell anyone and I mean anyone, no random hookups fred, none of your uni mates Jess and no one at the bar Abby okay?” Y/N responded seriously, looking at all three of them in the room. 

“Hey it’s not all hook ups, I bring friends over.” Fred answered, offended. Everyone turned to look at him with raised eyebrows pointing to the fridge with the point system with all the men he’s slept with. “...you guys are mean,” he said, sinking further into the couch. 

All three of them scoffed at him. “Okay fine we promise to not say anything to anyone. Unless you're a secret agent and we didn’t know.” Abby responded with a smirk 

Y/n looked at her with a straight face then at Jess waiting for her to respond. 

“I promise to not tell anyone as well y/n/n.” 

Y/n smiled and looked at Fred. 

"Yeah yeah I promise the same.” 

Y/n let out a breath and smiled at all of them. “Okay so basically I've been doing some auditions and I haven't told you guys about it because I was scared, I was never going to get any roles and it would have been a waste of my time. Which has been happening until today. I got a call from my manager that I got a role and it’s a pretty big role. I can’t say anything else.” Y/n said looking at all of them both excited and nervous. 

“Omg y/n that’s so great!!!” all of them yelled while jumping up.

“Okay we can be quiet, you know we have neighbors and thin walls.”  y/n responded by putting her hands up and standing from the chair.  

“Holy shit our friend and roommate is going to be a star. Don’t you dare forget about us or else.” Abby threatened y/n. y/n gulped knowing that they all had some blackmail in their phones. 

“Of course I won't. You guys are the closest family I have.” y/n said looking up at them.

[lily-onher-grave]

Every day I have more thoughts about the wicked movie

Like how making nessa (and Elphaba!) so vocal about Nessa’s independence and ability to handle herself adds so much depth to her character. It adds so much more complexity to her motivations and her flaws. It humanizes her even more and makes her descent into the wicked witch of the east more believable and more tragic. Because a Nessa who only wants to be loved will of course so desperate and sometimes cruel things to achieve that love, but why does she take it out on Elphaba? A Nessa who is longing for her own life, though, who expects Shiz to be a new start, who wants to be seen and accepted as normal and capable and independent, and who doesn’t want to live under anyone else’s shadow, least of all her very loudly abnormal sister who has been her caretaker all her life—it makes perfect sense for her to never be at elphaba’s side. It makes her villain story richer, and it makes her dynamic with Elphaba all the more interesting and emotional

And then there’s Morrible, who is so much warmer in the movie partly because it’s a movie and you can see her expressions, partly because most of her crueler moments (the ones with Elphaba at least) were given to Keala Settle’s character whose name I can’t remember, and largely because she has so many more one-on-one moments with an Elphaba who is just so much more vulnerable and blatantly starved for affection. And all of that, combined with the chilling performance Michelle Yeoh gives once morrible shows her true colors, makes her all the more sinister. I’m STILL not over her hugging Glinda during defying gravity. The first time she’s ever not criticized or belittled Glinda. And she’s not even being particularly motherly. She looks cold, she looks intimidating. And Glinda hesitates, we see it. But she also has nowhere else to go. She’s already falling, and morrible very calculatedly puts herself in the exact place where Glinda will land (and fuck, I cannot wait to see their scenes in part two. The Glinda-morrible dialogue in the middle of March of the witch hunters is one of my favorite parts of the show, and I think the two of them are going to rip my heart out with it)

And on elphie herself being softer, more vulnerable, more…subdued, I suppose. I’ve seen some criticism of it and I get it, I love a mean, witty, biting Elphaba so freaking much. But what I love about this take is that it makes so much sense with all the little changes they’ve made. AND I think it goes directly into this version of Nessa and how much she craves independence. Elphaba knows she doesn’t need to be her sister’s caretaker. More than that, she knows Nessa doesn’t WANT her to be her caretaker. And because of that, Elphaba doesn’t intend to go to shiz. Whether she secretly wants to or not, she doesn’t see it as her place. She’s probably spent so much of her life taking a step back and setting her own dreams and emotions and even just her actions and words aside so that Nessa can have her own space. She has made herself small to make sure Nessa isn’t living under her shadow. Maybe it’s just because I’m a sucker for sister relationships but I think the movie’s reading of their dynamic brings so much more to both of them. But also, I think getting to see more of elphaba’s magic accidents makes a softer Elphaba make sense. When she gets angry, she runs the risk of hurting people. And it’s not just making nessa’s chair spin like in the musical. It’s glass breaking and rocks flying and Nessa flying through the air in a way that could’ve seriously hurt her. There’s more danger to elphaba’s magic here even if it’s purely because of movie special effects. So of course we have an elphie who isn’t as angry—she’s terrified of her own anger

(You could also get into the influence of dulcibear on baby Elphaba. I like the idea of musical Elphaba having an avoidant attachment style but movie Elphaba having an anxious attachment style because she was given some affection and care, it was just unreliable)

And then okay other smaller things but:

All the Oscar diggs/Omaha NE stuff littered throughout. I 1) love the implication of the wizard just ripping pieces off his old circus wagon or whatever and using it to impress the ozians and 2) wonder if it’ll come up in part two because damn there is so MUCH of it, especially in the attic of the palace

I love that we get to see Frex drop dead but it brings up so many questions? Why was he at shiz before Elphaba left, because we all know he wasn’t seeing her off. Maybe he used it as an excuse to see Nessa but then why was Nessa at home with him at the end? It implies that either the trip to the emerald city happened on some sort of school break, which means Glinda just ditched her family to go with Elphaba (Glinda that’s gay) OR frex refused to let Nessa stay at shiz without Elphaba caring for her (frex that’s mean)

I’ve always been so curious about Elphaba having some sort of gift of prophecy?? It’s like. It’s there in the musical but it’s not really specific, it’s like they want to include it but they want to dance around it at the same time. But I loooove the visions she gets in the movie and I hope they do it again in part two with her seeing Nessa and the tornado. God this movie is gonna destroy me

The gym class fight scene. Listen I know everyone’s obsessed with galinda leading the entire school in a choreographed walk to class and I am too but I am MORE obsessed with the fact that they are literally sparring. Ladies that’s GAY

(I might be delusional but I swear there’s a section of the munchkinland tulips that is the colors of the lesbian flag I’m just sayinggggg)

Also I’m still not over sunset defying gravity yes I know I’ve said it in every post but I’m not OVER it what do you MEAN the world is dark by the time Elphaba is flying away what do you MEAN night has fallen and nothing will ever be the same again